Last night I fell down in the street (I think in someone's vomit), cut my knee up, lost my moms necklace and my license, and had to walk back to the hotel.
Sarah Palin just quit. Happy Independence day!
God Bless America!
there needs to be a build-a-bong store...
He told me about his girlfriends trust issues during our post sex spooning
He was carrying a rolled up carpet saying he was saving it for tomorrow's Walk of Fame.
Just saw all the pictures from the party. I'm wearing a different shirt in every single one.
I feel like I'm on let's make a deal. should I go with what's behind bulge number 1 or bulge number 2?
so... the fat chick just walked over, shook my hand, then introduced herself as "versatile". shoot me now.
Did you see the video of me eating a marshmellow on fire?
The only difference is Iv never super glued straws to your nipples.
The Universe is CLEARLY playing a bad joke on your sex life
I hope you have irresponsible drunk insurance because you're about to pay a deductible
lets start a news segment called WHY IS LEOS CROTCH BURNING TODAY
I danced my ass off after the funeral last night. Kept dropping it low and I can feel it in my legs today. Im like shit I needa go work out
What a way to honor the dead
You were laying next to me in bed at 4:30 a.m. I asked if you were drunk and you said you weren't drunk you were buzzed like a bumblebee. Then kept rambling on about having to call out of work.
Randomize
