my head looks like a cockatoo
mine looks like a lions mane...looks like the entire zoo is going to prom
she just waddled down the stairs behind me and puked and kind of reached for me but i sped up. does that make me a bad person?
He had personality for days, but cock for only minutes
you refused to come out of the bathroom until i asked you in spanish
you grabbed his arm with one hand and the bottle of smirnoff with the other and headed off to your room you were on a mission
that beer fried lasagna last night was sooo good
that wasnt beer fried lasagna, you just poured beer on my lasagna
We could be hammered at a childrens film. You failed me
I know how I'm going to make my fortune.. designing an icepack made specifically for the vagina.
i woke up and found a picture of his grandma in my purse.. im a kelpto
I told the guy that if he didn't put enough pepperoni to earn the name " pepperoni feast", that I was gonna sue him for all he had. Believe it or not, that's all I remember.
I just realized I donated our bong to goodwill.. RIP Kimbo Slice
You suck, She hit so hard.
I'm on my way back with the wine... And a puppy. It was free.
She rode my dick so hard I momentarily lost hearing. I guarantee I had the better St Patrick's.
I'm hiding in my office refusing to turn the light on holding puke down stealing and shoveling down the meeting snacks and regretting my poor life choices. goldfish crackers are like crack to me right now. how is your day?
Literally.... Guy kissing himself in mirror in this hotel elevator
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