I left the party when things started to get crazy... and when I say crazy I mean: there was puke on the carpet, Evan was passed out behind a plant, Mary was making out with her ex while her present bf was making out with Nancy. Not to mention that someone fisted the wall. Also - someone is sleeping on your lawn - they might be dead, I didn't check. Later.
i dont think there is any level of not caring that i havent covered in the last month
My cousins just decided to make a catapult to spread my Grandpa's cremated remains. I love my family.
Do you ever look at a vegetable and think "that would be awesome to shove up my vagina"?
Someone just asked me to go to the dining hall for dinner and he will use one of his swipes to pay for my meal. i think this is a college version of a date
How do you get eyebrow wax out of your butthole region?
The fact that you aren't ashamed to ask that is the reason I will give you the answer. Under the sink there is a bottle of wax remover. Throw my waxing kit away as well.
I should just tell him this. He doesn't need to be all nice and ask me on dates and to do gay stuff like hangout during the day. I'll still sleep with him regardless.
She poured a bottle of rum in the champagne fountain, did like 5 jello shots at the same time, then lit herself on fire. Twice. This is how everyone should turn 21.
Wine floats aren't as good of an idea as they seem
My liver and I thought we knew what we signed up for. We were wrong.
Right now, millions of people are waking up to get ready for work, start their day, and be productive members of society. I just found a 40 stashed in my fridge. I'm getting daybreak drunk. Zero fucks are given.
Isn't being unemployed beautiful sometimes?
The DJ was throwing glowsticks into the crowd and managed to smack one guy in the face with them
I don't know if I'm feeling really nervous right now or just extremely horny.
Sorry I crashed a riding mower into your garage door. No hard feelings??
How do I sound like a lady while communicating the fact that I want his dick in my mouth?
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