We had sex on the first date...do you think he thinks I'm a whore?
Yes and so do I
Balls are like the throw pillows of the penis
I googled "I hate my uterus" just to make sure I wasn't the only one.
Sarah Palin just got hired for Fox News. Watch out Jersey Shore... there's a new drinking game in town
That's the last time I try to be adventurous at a gas station
I can't believe we just used the phrase "jizz to juice ratio" in casual conversation.
that girl from work that wants to bone me just said 'the last time i went this long without sex was in jail'. sup, red flag
The bartender gave me the kids toys. Paddle ball & a gecko.
My life has only gotten better since they built a playground behind the bar
TO ALL WHO WERE IN MY HOUSE LAST NIGHT: WHOEVER STOLE MY BONG AND PUT IT ON THE ROOF WILL BE PAYING MY HOSPITAL BILL FROM LAST NIGHT.. AND BUYING ME A NEW, SWEETER BONG.
BGSU move in weekend. Just passed a house w a beer pong table set up, ppl already playing, girls holding signs that say "son drop off". It's 10:30 am.
her vagina just converted me to Judaism.
I saw that you sent me a photo and the first thing out of my mouth was "I swear if it's another photo of a dick poking out of a bubble bath"
I'm definitely closer to having sex in every building on campus than I am to having a post-graduation career/plan/future. Unless that future is getting fucked in lots of buildings. I got that shit on lock down.
I got so drunk I thought my tennis court was a corn field so I laid in it and ate pizza
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