I get so lonely sometimes I set my phone's alarm to go off every 5 minutes or so and imagine people are texting me.
You know you're wathing too much reality TV when you start adding commentary to every day life.
It was confusing and full of hummus
after eating me out, he asked for something to drink. i gave him a glass of water and he said he needed something stronger.
Knitting and drinking wine. Forget my 21st birthday, might as well just skip to my 60th
Mark is going to get hypothermia. he is shirtless eating snow bc he "doesnt want to be dehydrated" tomorrow. youre in charge.
I don't remember. I remember laying in the trunk of a car. For hours.
walking around pouring bird seed on passed out guys in the quad.
She swung at the pinata with crutches
Last night was the first and hopefully last night I will ever sleep in a hotel bath tub. Sober mind you.
I'm not even gonna ask.
Are you sure you didn't shit in my back yard?
Why is there uncooked bacon under my bed?
You insisted on taking it to bed with you. You grabbed it out of the fridge while mumbling "If I leave this out, you fuckers are just going to ruin it."
i knew it was love when she pulled a beer out from between her boobs and offered it to me
Have you ever forgotten how to pee? I did last night. Standing in front of the urinal with dick in hand. WTF were we drinking???
How do you say "put it in me" in Spanish... I'm dealing with language barriers here.
Randomize
