I'm trying real hard to keep it on the DL how drunk I am at lunch with my grandma.
i just looked up and i was like omg ballsack and then i didnt know what to do
He just knocked over the beer pong table... I haven't seen so much fail in one room since I watched "Mall Cop" with my grandma
I think I'm coming down now. I almost started crying because I lost a piece of paper.
I can't decide who is the bigger alcoholic: you for opening that bottle of wine just now or me for hearing it in the other room over the air conditioner
Just lifeguarded a kid's party hungover so I could afford to go out drinking tonight. Circle of life shit goin on here.
yeah people on the adjacent balcony, Im naked drinking outside in 0 degree weather at 1pm. got a problem?
do you know how hard it is to bring up the "what do I do if you conk out while we're fucking" conversation while maintaining the dignity of.the narcaleptic girl you just met?
Instead of a hangover my body just feels like shame
That is a hangover
I would prefer a headache
OH MY GOD THE LITTLE GIRL IS SITTING WITH US WHILE WE SMOKE. I'M NOT DOING THIS
Have I showed you the picture of my vagina with a little bang flag coming out of it?
Ok maybe now I get why I'm single I think I just broke a rib pooping
All I want for my birthday to be fingered and eat pizza
We left him in some bushes a few blocks down toward campus. Did he find his way home?
We gotta locate my vibrators and get them stashed away STAT
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