Note to self: When getting ready to leave with a kid in a wheelchair don't say Let's roll
i wish everyone could be as happy as the people in the laxative commericals
I drove you home. there is no excuse for wrecking your car 3 hours later.
My dick just stopped my iPhone from falling into the toilet.
her boyfriend dumped her for my exgirlfriend. so filming our hookup is pretty much a definite.
She pulled a wad of lint out of my bellybutton while she was blowing me. Said she's never seen anything like it. I've never gone soft so fast.
His phone pocket dialed me while he was crapping. He was quietly singing stayin alive and possibly passing his intestines.
I hope after we constantly bang for 2 days straight we can agree to be friends again
I just found a half a joint in my bed. . .don't know if this qualifies as a proud moment or a cry for help
I'm content with our "friends with accidental benefits" situation.
What's life without a pregnancy scare?
I just thought you should know.... I am fully committed to being a ho this summer
Look, all I'm looking for is a good time and someone whose chest I can bury my face in
I’m not spending 14 dollars on a margarita unless it’s rimmed with cocaine... actually do you have a blender?
Looking back, we probably shouldn't have chased alcohol with more alcohol
Randomize
