If my boyfriend wants to eat his own jizz after masturbating, what does that make him?
Minivans at bars can only lead to bad things.
franzia sundays are my new favorite holiday
Stripper pole. Sore legs. More vaca money.
congratulations to me i think I am on the road to legitimate alcoholism
cool. same. I'm in class drinking
NOT OKAY
sorry for partying
THATS NOT PARTYING THATS DRINKING IN CLASS
The cop was more concerned with the syringes on the dash board than looking for the source of the smoke. Thank god for diabetes!
I vaguely remember having a 'grass is greener' conversation about our nipples. Dream or beautiful reality?
Beautiful, beautiful reality
I will seriously deflate and melt into the floor into a puddle of devestation, shame and vodka.
I'm sober. Being kissed by a chick with a llama puppet. Shoot me now.
Dude, if I don't end up wearing a banana suit in Milwaukee, I will consider that trip a complete failure.
Idk but she keeps giving me s'mores and I'm having a hard time caring about her alcoholism because of it
If I send Ben a tit pic but I do it while wearing a Tom Brady mask is that funny or creepy
I'm going to reward myself for having sex with coffee and a breakfast burrito.
My boyfriend just called me on his poop break from work.... Is that what you meant by moving too fast?
I don’t understand his energy
What? Nice? Lmao
Randomize
