Annihilated within 20 minutes of arriving on Saturday, proceeded to hook up with him half a dozen times/almost have sex in the shed. Later on I text his boyfriend letting him know he's okay and that he's asleep next to me. If I could parlay this skill into a vital component of national security I'd be the Jack Bauer of homewrecking. Diner later?
eric is really sick so I'm taking care of him! :(
just blow him with soup in your mouth.
They're having chugging contests. With juice. Please get me out of Utah.
For his 21st I'm getting a fancy hotel that way he can at least sleep in a nice bathtub
I just did the nutritional comparison between 2% milk and Bud Light Lime.. the beer had less calories, less carbs, and less fat. It's not looking good for milk in my life anymore
hey, its the girl who gave you a bloody nose and paid you back with a blow job. have you seen my shoes?
Your never gonna wash that desperation outta that sweatshirt you know.
Well that's another check off the sexual bucketlist of things I never wanted to experience.
He took a picture with a naked dude. I think he just walked out of that deep ginger closet.
it's my favorite when the couple downstairs are having sex so loud that i feel like I'm part of a threesome
second-hand sex is fun, isn't it?
Is it malicious or apart of the healing process if I wipe my ass with his toothbrush?
Paycheck hits in 37 minutes and I literally just emptied my handle of Tito's. If that isn't budgeting like a fucking adult, I don't know what is.
Well I just had a flashback of something I did in the 4th grade. Now I can't go back to sleep.
Anyone who does not consider cereal and wine as a balanced breakfast needs to leave immediately.
A Valium induced mom decided to walk into my bedroom this morning without knocking. Guess what I was doing? FML
Randomize
