Do you have swine flu?
I know my taste in men is not always top notch; however, I don't sleep with swine.
Pigs, yes. Swine, no.
Have you ever been so weak from sleep you couldn't push your poo out?
obviously you don't know the college version of myself. if there's something i'm ALWAYS willing to put up for it's alcohol.
Thanks to this cookie, I have now eaten something other than skittles today.
I don't like getting sloppy drunk but I don't like getting just half drunk either, I'm way too responsible if my blood alcohol level is below 0.2
(540): I ran 10 miles and then took a dump behind a rock. What the fuck have you done with a hangover that's comparable?
the last thing I heard was you screaming as the rodeo team herded you to the next party
I'm to the point where I'm fantasizing about Iron Chefs going down on me.
I just climbed out the passenger side of my car because there was a spider on mine. I'm doing adulthood right
This girl invited us back on the promise of weed and strudel...she delivered neither.
No one's ever called me intergalactic cocksucker, before.
What does it say about me that I feel completely charmed right now?
I don't give a fuck that he's gay and keeps hitting on me. Free cocaine is free cocaine bro
Trust me, I'm a professional lesbian.
The angle I tried to shoot a load on her face was unfortunate. I accidentally came on the David Bowie tribute she had out. Oddly, that made it more erotic.
I'm drunk and he's still weird.
Randomize
