After 4 hours of foreplay he passed out and almost immediately peed in my bed. Naked. Like a fountain. Then tried to deny it in the morning by saying he just sweats a lot.
fuck yea just found my unicorn costume from when i was 8... still fits
so apparently telling her she could shit easier and therefore lose weight faster wasn't the best arguement for getting anal.
I mean, he was my book buddy in 1st grade. The kid taught me how to read, the least I could do was give him head.
Were not really friends so much as I suck his dick a lot
life is sad when you just turned 21 and youre doing late night rogaine runs...
he has been on a 2 week bender, has been homeless for a week and a half, and leaves for madagascar in 2 days. Do we worry or is that normal?
proof that my night is going well: I can still open doors
Almost just bought a peacock. I need to get off Craigslist
What is your life?
A tangled mess of finals and bad decisions.
I'm not entirely sure that the guy that just texted me is not on drugs right now. I'm also not entirely sure that he isn't about to be incarcerated.
If I get laid tonight it will 1.) Prove that the sex gods do in fact exist, and 2.) Show that I am one motherfucking badass bitch.
I asked him to get me another beer, and he started making muffins.
The longer the dick, the closer to Jesus when you’re on top.
he's trapped himself under a bed and is screaming at a robot dog to give him a blowjob
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