May or may not have just drunkenly opened my christmas presents. Greatly disappointed. Might break up sooner.
you tried to arm wrestle for the title of "mom's favorite son"
Dude, I think my check liver light just came on
Just saw your girl from last night... Be embarrassed
Well someone has to be the Christmas slut at the family dinner. I suppose it's my year to fill those shoes.
In reality u ask do u have beer at your house but what your really saying is will there be cock in my mouth
it took us a while to figure out sex on a tire swing, buuuuuuuut MISSION ACCOMPLISHED
got blackout drunk at the conference and wandered around Minneapolis with a homeless person until one of the other interns found me...I think I'm ready for adulthood.
Robert just walked in drunk, grabbed my Jameson from me, told me to let him do his thing, and spilled it all over the coffee table. Then he told me to grab a funnel because he was going home.
He's rapping about a turtle neck sweater. Please come get me.
I decided staying home, watching porn and masterbating was a much better choice than the gym. And I was right.
are we fucking for lunch or am I using my vibrator ?
Apparently I send drunk snapchats a lot and they always have random dudes in them. Like one night it was just me and some guy I don't know sitting on my couch.
This is Ryan, Kristin's husband. I don't know if you meant to send that pic to me at 3am. You may want to call Kristin. Neat piercing though.
Your sister just admitted to being a " much bigger bitch" than you. So you've got that going for you, which is nice.
Randomize
