we should start having sex in the shower. less clean up.
Soooo billy mays was on coke. I'm about as shocked as I was when Clay Aiken came out
The sweet smell of jungle juice and bad decisions is calling our name.
I need a good reason NOT to eat this entire jar of nutella right now
thought the power was flickering out but it turns out im just blinking
Me too it's so nice. Debated studying out there but woulda been 90% babe-watching 5% flexing 3% studying and 2% talkin my boners down.
A man just poked my foot with his crutches while I'm shitting. Is that how the disabled gays ask for a glory hole blow jay?
My mom just walked in and she was like "Who ate all of the cheese?" and all I could think of was you trying to become a human taco
He hasn't responded in 6 hours and the last thing he sent me was a picture of 7 grams of coke. I'm getting kinda worried
That isn't the worst part. It got a bazillion times more awkward when he read me a poem he wrote about his dead cat.
Only great wives bring your dope to you when you are at the Cardiologist
It's routine now. He comes home from work and i ride him like a cowgirl with only a few sips of wine. I love being his neighbor.
Lets just say the phase, What a dick, has a whole new meaning at the urinals.
i need to get crying drunk at the bar more often. i end up going home with guys who have big penises. its like God is saying "there, there, this will cheer you up".
Gotta say, self-deprecating Lord of the Rings-themed sex jokes were not on my agenda for today.
Randomize