9 am. shotgunning while conditioning my hair. i love college football season.
Some guy shouted fuck america during the national anthem, i decked him. They threw him out. USA USA USA!
whenever music plays i find myself always doing kegels to the beat. its like the new foot-tapping
Note to self: Don't teach the naked lap rule in beer pong until after youve made a cup..
I'm still finding big obvious chunks of condom around my car.
I think he offered to cook me dinner or cook me for dinner. Not really sure. Just smiled and nodded.
you stumbled up the stairs in your heels, pulled 23 one-dollar bills out of your bra and then went and puked in the toilet. didnt say a single thing to me the whole time
FYI, grandma is already drunk and using a bed sheet as a table cloth.
That would make regret #10
He was more like the original regret
I plan on just grabbing someone's dick if I have to. They will know what's up. Why else do you go to a bar alone on valentines day?
Trying to roll joints on a seadoo in the middle of a lake on a windy night. -Juststonerthings
I'm so drunk. Liken realign drink
Like really drunk?
Or did you enjoy repositioning your drink?
you ass-dialed me while you were fucking my ex.
that was on purpose.
I can't have the last guy who touched my vagina be my coworker.
It's a Saturday night and I am in bed with two cats, a bottle of Riesling, and I'm masturbating to Iron Man. I'm great at being 21.
Randomize
