Last night this chick queefed when I was going down on her. Thinking if you! xo
duuuude. vodka popsicles DO NOT function.
He introduced himself to me as "the gayest gay who ever gayed." I like him already.
It was good I woke up with my mattress on top of me. I walked around naked the whole night as people wished my Happy Birthday.
Just don't let me fall on anything that can be broken. Unless its a dick
I walked into the kitchen and twelve of them were just staring at the oven. Freshmen are the weirdest drunks ever.
I'm going on a valentine's date with the random guy i hooked up with in the bar bathroom this weekend...i feel like julia roberts
Why are you there anyways?
Pickin up ball pit balls from craigslist
I don't know. What do people who don't get stoned do?
I'll text you later. I think she thinks we're taking this whole "no sex" thing seriously.
I'm sorry about all of the innappropriate shoe throwing
We were walking to the bar with a group of people and literally made 4 stops in people's lawns garages or random walls for him to eat me out
It's your last night of vacation right? Be the Oprah of dick. And you get a dick... and you get a dick, and you get a dick!!!
He howled at the moon then told me that if i were a dog he'd have sex with me...either i look like that girl or i need to stop going on blind dates. Period.
You're swimming in an imaginary pool of pudding. What do you think?
Randomize
