so the sex was amazing up until the point where she said "wow, you're even better than your dad!"
She was hit by a car at 47 mph and lived. That explains everything.
I started drinking at 10.30am. Ive got a solid buzz, ive decided holidays are to be treated like gamedays
boy from dating site added me on facebook. i don't know if i'm ready for him to see what a drunk i am.
I vaguely remember making out with his tattoo (?) and giving him an awesome massage and then I passed out on his floor. Shrug
I have learned that if you don't want to hook up with the guy who walked you home, food is great compensation.
I'm too stoned to come over for sex
Yes that is a Krispy Kreme doughnut on my cock
I'll be right over
I made everyone scream the national anthem with me after playing true American last night. I'm pretty much their leader now.
He rubbed aloe on my sunburn while I blew him... could he be anymore perfect?
That's why god made go-pro's and tequila
You drunk-dialed me and asked me to describe my burrito
I'm slowly starting to accept that you have to be a sociopath to be attracted to me
You're a mystery wrapped in an enigma wrapped in a redhead
why is there a shopping cart in my back seat? and a dick drawn on the side of my car?
What part of I just want to watch porn, eat Taco Bell, and masturbate did you not understand?
Randomize
