Dude, hurry and get over. I need a wingman. She is on her 6th vodka shot and her resident ugly friend is still sober
I feel bad for the person that has to clean the dishes that I peed on last night.
so she bought me lunch gave me a blowie then paid for the gas since I drove... I think there's a catch but I'm gonna run with it
We are probably going to have to use your boobs as currency to get this done
It probably isn't a good idea to go home with last night's hookup's brother. And sister.
Probably is probably an understatement.
You kept me hostage in your driveway until you got your point across that alaska has warm weather
Was last night real? Did I lick your forehead while you laid in between my legs while we laid next to your boyfriend?
Your first words after putting out the flames, "how am I supposed to eat girls out with my top lip burned off??"
Yeah no more flaming everclear shots.
I like how I get messages from eharmony at the same time I'm looking for a new vibrator. It's like the powers that be are just trying to make my life ironic.
Lets just say that a certain piercing set off certain alarms when I went thru the airport detector/scanner thingie. David was high fived like 12 times.
You are a piece of meat with a side of awesome to me.
Can you please come and collect your boss off of my kitchen floor.
I never truly understood the phrase ball is life until I started having to balance NBA finals and all these men with balls i'd like to handle.
Sex in the backyard? Check.
It took me years of patience and pilates and yoga and flirting to land that penis. So yeah, I’m going to ride it into the sunset and live orgasmically ever after
Randomize
