She asked to borrow my chapstick then said "I promise I won't get herpes on it"
So if we break up over this are you still gonna come over and do my dishes?
Confirmed. Vegetarians give terrible head.
I hate that he uses me for something other than sex. What does he think I am? His girlfriend? Ha.
We just leapfrogged all the way to the bar.
Day #3 of being the only sober person at the bar. This is depression.
You may see me wearing your shirt to class. It's because I still have the spins and I'm anticipating throwing up on it. Asshole.
Okay now that I've been wanting to eat these hot cheetos in the bathroom, I know it's time I need to stop smoking and go to sleep.
Do you know what the cost code is for strip clubs? I'm filling out my company expense report right now
Waking up in a NH rest stop and reading through my texts is definitely a familiar low
"This must be what Jayden Smith feels like all the time"
10/10 would definitely still fuck you dressed as squirrel
I'm sobbing to NWA
why do i have a pole dance champion shot glass?
How are they?
Amazing! These new boobs are going to break blouse buttons and wedding vows!
Randomize
