I am drunk at a castle and it isn't even 3. Europe is amazing.
So he ended up throwing a watermelon that he stole from the cafeteria saying "if i cant have it no one can" of the 5th floor.
There was probably a tattoo above her soulless vagina that read 'it's a trap!' Yet you ignored it
Just thought you should know, Im with josh now. Im no longer available for rent. I have a full time tenant now. Like, a year long lease at least.
You are the only person I have ever seen offer your other drink to the bouncer on two fors night
Bouncers are people too...giant angry people
I suggest absurd amounts of masturbation this weekend to build up the necessary calluses
Sex on the scooter in the parking lot wasn't the smartest idea. Actual quote from the cop as he handed me the ticket and fist bumped me.
I'm still pretty drunk right now, but when this hangover hits me, I'm going to be super pissed. It's a preemptive never drinking again.
Just licked cheese from my hot pocket off my phone. I spilled because I was eating a Popsicle at the same time. Send an adult please
You took motorboating me in public to a whole new level. You poured your beer down my top and LAPPED IT UP.
My brother is so high right now he's eating frozen peas and called them "fucking delightful"
The worst part is there are all kinds of happy creatures out here like fucking snow white and i'm sitting in semi-dead grass, hungover with a burnt butt
will you help me invent vagina-safe pop rocks?
I am watching a girl dressed up as santa, full on fat suit, try to fight a six foot 200lb man. A reindeer threw beer on everyone. Shit is going down
oh.. my GOD my dad just text me... "i need a naked women" ........... help?
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