I just saw a pair of panties stretched over a fire hydrant on campus... I need to get the fuck out of this town
I'm going to rise like a phoenix out of the drunken, shameful ashes that were last weekend.
I wish i could put a picture of my ass of my resume...that seems to be the only way i will ever get hired
Because ur a stupid bitch
Actually, I'm graduating from college on Saturday so that makes me a well educated bitch.
Worst PDA I've ever seen. She even licked the mustard off his mustach
just threw up on dog. broke microwave with cheese and spoon. having a bath with my barbies singing final countdown.
before you ask yes i found the absinthe under your bed. ITS THE FINAL COUNTDOWWWWNNNNNN
I'll be listening to "I will always love you" and sobbing uncontrollably all night, care to join?
I think you're going to have to drive me to white haven. I don't know if my brain can handle having my mom drop me off at a strip club.
Blonde girl lying face-down, passed out next to my bed, walls are covered in guacamole. College is looking excellent.
Can I borrow you for, like, thirty minutes so you can lay on one boob and rub the other until I fall asleep?
i ended up making out with my new neighbor in a stranger's car that we found unlocked on a driveway somewhere. apparently drunk self never say "no" to adventure.
Okay, tomorrow we'll have a day of life-sorting and plasma-selling.
So by "wait for me" do you think he meant "Don't have sex with random dentists?"
Conference sex doesn't count if the dentist doesn't know your name.
Just reintroduced tequila back into my life...so that's happening
YAS SHES BACK AND BETTER THAN EVER
So far my survey results are telling me to pawn the ring. Thoughts?
Randomize
