Saw 2 former students outside gas station. gave me money to buy 2 12 packs, asked if I wanted to go to their party.
I told them I had a gf and took one of the 12 packs. Come over.
Texas should really raise its teaching standards.
my hangover today makes thursday's feel like a bubble bath.
I wish they made portable blow up dolls for girls.
It's called a dildo, genius. Go to sleep.
They've started ranking girls from "paper-bag" to "I just came." Please come get me
I just had to download an app to edit pictures on my new phone. The things I do for sexting...
Cock is NEVER random. You may quote me on that.
Omg how many tall cans is too many tall cans for 1 pm
Like he and the nurses kept being so persistent with it and I just wanted to run out of there in my backless gown and yell FUCK OFF BITCHES IM OUT
He showed up riding a bike blasting the ghostbusters theme song. His name was Lasercat. Im in love.
saying, "have a good fall!" After fucking a virgin boy is good etiquette, right?
Things he's good at: oral sex and geometry. Things he's not good at: actual sex.
Our office went out together for the first time to celebrate the fact our coworker got fired.
I still can't believe I was army crawling thru his backyard at 2am..
When God made him he put all his talent in his dick. What he lacks in brain, he makes up for in loin.
I've just realized that today's rations have consisted of turkey bacon and jack Daniels.
Randomize
