ad ew i am wasted whats my problem
i just googled 'classy porn'. high, low, i dunno i just got bored of cum shots.
Condom broke. Took her to CVS for plan B and parked in expectant mothers spot. I laughed.. she cried
He asked if I wanted to leave my bra on while we were doing it from behind bc he read somewhere that all that pounding can be painful for big breasts. THAT thoughtful.
Pretty sure even her dog was surprised when I got that blow job.
We broke into the space center. If i go to jail I wanted to tell you, you have a fantastic dick. Use it wisely.
I don't believe u have enough text space to describe the dimensions of his penis.
Sit down my child. It's time you were told of my famous loss-of-virginity story entitled, "The Penis that Never Could."
Please let me buy the coffee, all my assets are in starbucks gift cards
New low: eating a buttered roll while taking a shit.
This is why we're soulmates.
It's a lot harder to work after sex than it is to work drunk... just saying.
I'm concerned I may die tonight. All I've been told about my bday shenanigans is to bring slutty clothes, a bikini, tylenol, sunglasses and pjs. Tell me what the fuck is going on...now
bring lube too
i hate all of you
So I decided to sleep with him for the first time in months so I can convince him it's his kid instead of the other guy
Just sold my panties for 40 bucks to some rando dude at the gay bar. I think I found a way to fund next years spring break trip. Hello cancun!
got the runs at the club last night. wondering when it'll be safe to show my face again.
Randomize