Why do girls always cry at the bar?
What's the point of going out if you're going to cry all night?
Are they having an exestensial crisis at the bar?
Until that no good dick sucking whore stays away from my boyfriend I am gonna start blowing all of his friends...
just found the deal breaker
hairy back?
he can't live within 1000 ft of a school
We went to red robin and there was a 15 minute wait so we went and fucked in the car. Quickies, endless fries, and a mascot handing out balloons- this is literally the night of my dreams.
I was hoping we just happened to wake up naked and I hadn't fucked him.... no such luck.
well, 500 bucks doesn't grown on trees, and i need that bear suit for any chance of vagina access.
I just want you to know how happy I am that you are circumcised.
this weekend destroyed me...my brain feels like the curly fry at the bottom of the bag. GAhhh come save me
that's ecstasy for ya. now I'm kinda in the mood for jack in the box.
this mall makes me feel like I just rolled a 9 in jumanji and got the stampede card
also found a pic of my head in the microwave from the other night.. hmm
I made the jerking off hand motion to my mother by accident this morning. It was awkward for everyone involved.
Just had an epiphany about how to drink more effectively in the shower. While walking across campus carrying a Franzia bag like Santa
I got really upset about missing him last night when I was demonstrating penis sizes of the people I've slept with using a tape measurer to my roommates
She took me to ER. She says thought it was a squirtgun filled with vodka and she was 'marking me for later.' Thank god it's a flesh wound, and we're cool and going to date.
gtg, the cops are here
Ok. After that I think I'm going to drag queen jello wrestling if you would care to join.
Randomize
