He then proceeded to try to whisper up my nose...
Everything smells like syrup. But I guess that's better than last time when everything smelled like beer.
so I'm in athletic shorts, a suit jacket and I'm still drunk at 6:30am at the last leg of relay for life
I'll report later on the progress of the mountain orgy
Aparently i was the only guy at her parents bbq throwing up in the pool so Im the asshole right...
You ever got drunk on $5? Cuz it's about to happen
The ONE weekend I don't put anything up my nose, and it decides to bleed like crazy
He ran over from the bar to give me more singles because the stripper was doing gymnastics on me. He is a really great friend, just probably not the best boyfriend.
literally just blacked in. Im watching what to expect when your expecting, eating pretzels and peanut butter, and I have someone's underwear around my neck.
You get 5 min
Your time limits don't scare me, I'll include foreplay and redressing in that 5 min. If you wanted to challenge me you should say you got an hour, id be scared then and more creative.
I was in the bathroom and I heard a phone ding inside one of the stalls. I really wanted to say, nature is calling, but I was still in my work uniform
My dad lost his bandaid somewhere in the turkey. It was a mixture of thanksgiving and an Easter egg hunt
I woke up cuddling a ham. That's not a euphemism. I actually slept with an entire ham.
Fuck you and fuck your stupid hat
You think you can just send me a picture of your dick and everything will be ok?
Yep.
Randomize
