What started out as a threesome has become me sitting here watching them have sex... Can I get a ride home?
I'm way too horny to be at work right now. I think it might be legally irresponsible to leave me alone with cucumbers.
Don't judge me. He's really sexy for a 17 year old. We made nasty in the womens bathroom at the beach. Don't worry. I wore sandals in there.
None of that is ok.
Yep we found him face down in my sister's bathroom begging for blowjobs without mustard
You sat on a wall pretending to be a gargoyle before shouting "batman!" and jumping at me
I'm the drunk Des Moines deserves, but not the one it needs
If we order a pizza and I contribute 9 cents, is that fair?
ERIN AND I ARE GETTING MATCHING VIBRATORS. I'M PEER PRESSURING YOU INTO JOINING THE CLUB. Besides we're the three best friends that anyone could have, you better not ruin that by being a pussy and not treating your pussy to awesomeness. That is all.
Let's run into the wild and just eat berries and have sex all the time.
I'm just gonna clean the house so my Mom won't think I'm hung over. I'll just start with the toilet
Just when I thought I was growing up, I go out and TOTALLY REDEEM MYSELF
See, this is why you don't do nice things for people. You'll get stuck in the snow and you won't catch a dick.
I don't want to just break his heart, I want to dip it in liquid nitrogen and then smash it until it's powder and snort the powder
Ryan. I woke up. At the neighbors house. And by the neighbors. I mean the ones to the north. The ones that hate us. Please call me. I am so confused and you are gone
At the neighbors house?! Like in it or outside???
In it on the fucking couch. No idea how i got here.
Woah don't start going all boyfriend on me now, you're here for one thing and one thing only and that's sex, hot shameless sex.
I duct taped a bottle of vodka to the back of your closet while you were sleeping in case of emergencies. Go rip it off, it's going to be a long night.
Randomize
