Sometimes when I whip my dick out it looks REAL impressive. This, was NOT one of those times.
When we talk. Remind me of these topics, photoshop, my bday, threesomes, and cherekee indians. I swear these are real topics...
New topics to add when we talk, sweden, boxing, and the band journey
im starting to measure my showers by the number of beers i drink while im in there.
Sorry for calling you a whore in front of your mom. World cup brings the worst out of me.
She soaked the fruit in vodka for ten minutes and then mixed it with normal fruit and sherbert icecream. It was called "lottery fruit".
look up what dreaming that you're in a lesbian relationship with a manatee means.
Are they engaged or just dating? Girlfriends come and go but the memory of sex at the pool last forever.
I need to find a more grown up way of dealin with a hangover at the office than pringles and mountain dew at 8:30 am...
Dude. Her vagina is a blender.
You ever just wake up and decide, today I'm going to eat a whole bag of fritos and a tub of cream cheese
It's all good, I've hated people for lesser reasons than being my ex boyfriend's favorite pro athlete of all time
I just got caught impersonating a t-Rex by my boss. Sadly he wasn't fazed by my behavior and acted like it was normal.
why is there blood on my car? and are we still friends?
I'm 99% sure I just flashed my dad with my vagina. So that's the new low now.
I took it as a sign from the lord above that she wanted me to creep on these men.
Randomize
