i passed out on the floor in my hallway and woke up with my dog licking himself 2 inches from my face. my first reaction? envy
Why can't we have signs that automatically flash on our foreheads that say not interested when gross ugly guys come around, like those glasses that get dark when the sun comes out?
you puked in the cab and all over yourself and tried to convince the cabby it was there already when he got upset... then you puked again. not too convincing are you
guys are only as good as the porn they watch
We're so high we're finding things in the room to build a submarine with. So far we have two cardboard boxes, a piece of wood, puffy paint, and an empty bottle to use as a periscope.
her last google searches are 'cheap african safari' and 'what does lion taste like'
So I guess I passed out face first on the ground while trying to grill last night
dude uncooked spaghetti noodles dipped in thousand island dressing is better than it sounds
The stripper on stage Is eating a mozzarella stick while on the pole....that's a new level of I don't give a fuck
I like to think of them as justice herpes. She cheats on me and gets more than she bargained for.
I feel like I deserve an award for facing my fear of penises in my face.
We're going through the drive-through at mcdonalds while pulling sam behind us in the wheelchair and having them hand him the food. Let me know how this went in the morning
I let a drunk straight girl spank me with a metal paddle at the bar tonight. Remind me to never do that again.
Dad is wasting no time getting back out there. Just walked in on him and a Twin Peaks waitress in the hot tub
I think the cats may be lesbians. It could just be a two hour mutual bath but it sure looks like a 69.
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