This concert is like a reunion of all my bad sex.
he turned the pretty ricky playlist on. its about to go down.
i just ate a whole pizza and threw it back up in the time span of 13 minutes. give me the number to guiness book of world records.
MASS TEXT: who ever dared Todd to suck on the Clorox wipes last night.. good goin jackass. you can come visit him, hes in room 266, AFTER hes done getting his stomach pumped.
HE DARED ME TO DARE HIM... DONT PUT THAT ON ME.
She looked at me and said "i like penises." and then passed out with her condom balloon animal in her hands.
No, fuck buddies don't get birthday party privledges...
Sorry.
you guys just sat there and simultaneously smoked bowls staring at each other... it was like a bowl off or something.
Hey, I'm making progress. I haven't thrown up in a bar while wearing a sweater vest in almost two months.
I'm sending lingerie pics that I took yesterday. I fully prepared for this holiday
I asked him to help me break in the space ship aka my bed.
Since I won't be making love with anyone on a bed of roses this year on Sunday I bought a Mustang to fill the gap
Fuck you. Fuck this party. I just wanted to be pretty with a cute little tiara and boys sucking my tits, now i have a hangman game drawn on my face and jello shots in my hair.
I wanted to give you a great birthday party. You know I did.
What did you do with the dog when you went into the club?
coat checked
he had to stop me from eating snow off the street on the way back to pick up our cars. that's how hungover i am.
she compared me favorably to her vibrator
which one?
Randomize
