hey this is lauren, i have to type for jon because he's convinced the tongs he's holding are his real hands
Your sister got a Brazilian yesterday. It looks great
apparently my insurance doesn't cover road head. Bummer.
You sucked the drug dealers dick for a 20 of coke...?
Nooo, I payed for that. I sucked his dick because I had an urge.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You better of fucked him last night or do it now because he is buying all the roommates McDonald's.
No longer allowed at circus circus apparently fuvking in the elevator is frowned upon.
They are the perfect team. One always has weed, the other always has cigarettes. They're like the Batman and Robin of drugs
I don't care if my next phone has to run on the blood of virgin koala bears, I don't want to be scrambling for a charger.
Stop sending me pictures of you naked. This violates the friend zone agreement.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I am having telepathic thoughts with my cat. He loves me and wants me to blow his nose
That was the first time I ever heard of a female getting road head while driving... thanks for the memory and making me happy ending..
You have the most beautiful penis I've ever seen. I never thought penises were meant to be beautiful, but you proved me wrong
How the fuck did he think me asking about the possibility of a threesome was a rhetorical question?
My hairdresser won’t do keratin treatments because of the toxins, but will put ecstasy up her butt at festivals...
Point in my hangover when I'm honestly not sure if I'm about to puke, or shit my pants.
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