why doesnt he love me? i have tried everything. i even sang to him after sex.
you have got to be kidding?
I just found your spare underwear and the half eaten granola bar you left in my purse.
Who's got a bloodstream full of margaritas by 2pm? Not you, that's for sure, because you've got one of those "real" jobs.
Lost another pound. Switching from beer to hard liquor did this body good.
I like to think of them as justice herpes. She cheats on me and gets more than she bargained for.
just got in my apt...and theres jungle juice here i left from over a month ago..this could be interesting...or deadly
Alright. I will breast feed the first person to get here.
I'm not sure any amount of coworker judgement will keep me from eating oatmeal with dinosaur eggs.
The novelty of Nekkid Straight Roommate has faded.
I made out with my former step mother's best friend. Only knew the connection when they both showed up together at the bar.
He wanted me to come over on Christmas...inviting your fuck buddy over for the holidays is just something you don't do.
I will read books by day and do guys by night. A mental and physical enlightenment, if you will.
I accidentally sent a snap of my puss with the Republican filter... Totally killed his boner
This drink tastes like mosquito repellent.
Uh oh. Put down the vodka cancel the clowns and get rid of the donkey
Randomize
