I figured girls wouldn't be down to sleep w/ a guy who plugged a pregnant chick
I need to shower. I still have paint on me from the homeless guys
my stepmom is let-the-dog-eat-out-of-her-mouth drunk. oh my god.
He was drinking a long island through his Breathalyzer tube.
As a jewish boy dating her she thinks everypart of christmas is my first time. Helllllo bj under mistletoe!!
And I swear to god I'll divorce you if you so much as say a single sentence in Yoda talk in our bedroom. I may be a nerd but that's just fucking creepy
I mean i can't really be mad...either way i was gonna fuck him or hate fuck him, so it's basically a win/win situation.
It's like a teen mom casting at the Obgyn's office. I feel great about my positive life decisions.
I hat to flip my "days since last bad decision" chart back to zero. So...yeah. Sigh.
Prop 8 repealed and I FINALLY got my period. Good day for America!!!
Just came so hard my back cracked. Other women are totally missing out if they don't masturbate.
I called my mom while I was blackout drunk, and told her I was drunk, safe, and happy. But really, I was just drunk.
I thought 5 times was beyond my capabilities but her tongue was like a penis defibrillator. Clear!
If I don't get struck by a lightning bolt from God by midnight it will be a Christmas miracle.
A stripper choked me last night. Then I choked her. Now we're going on a date this Saturday.
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