I just stepped on my own foot and apologized to my shoe... THAT high.
Tell me why I keep soberly hesitating to go pee in fear of breaking the seal. Thank you college.
...i'd have to set their sheets on fire.
Seriously, it sounds like someone is torturing a dozen cats inside a Japanese techno club while a jamaican yells random hipster words through a megaphone.
We passed my parents while I was giving him road head...that awkward
I think I just wrote a poem about your penis but it was totally unintentional.
I'm petty sure you said "hold on let me make my nipples hard, they look better"
In local news, attempts to hide phone from extremely drunk self prove unsuccessful for Dallas woman.
You're the reason why I want to be a better drunk
So like, boobs.
are you really going to start every conversation like that?
We were having sex and my nose just started pouring blood. He reached down to the floor, grabbed a sock and held it to my nose. He just kept pounding away like nothing was happening.
I offered him midol and told him "it always helps my period so maybe it'll help yours"
So what other shows do you masturbate to? Or is it just friends
It got to the point where I was so drunk, playing rock paper scissors as a drinking game seemed like a good idea.
I mean, I'm not hammered, but I definitely can't show my face or tits in that bowling alley again
Randomize
