just met our mailman at a party, he asked me out. i said yes, but only if he picks me up in the mail truck. how jealous are you
she asked if she could keep her bee antennas on during her mugshot. i love halloween.
cutting back on calories before spring break by only taking shots instead of drinking actual drinks.
the diet of an alcoholic...
Cops on bikes. I think I can outrun them.
The forecast for tonight is alcohol and low expectations.
You're the only meteorologist I listen to.
I mean you would really have to try to not have fun at a party that doesn't require pants....
The condition was that I had to eat her out to Beethoven
The 4th is next week. If we don't get to a new level of high, we will be letting down George Washington.
I think if wine wasn't a thing I'd give up on life.
Side note: I just realized that I can make my hand warmers double as a heated push up bra.
He's going to wonder why I have burn marks on my asshole
we watched a guy take a shot of tequila while riding a unicycle
This guy knew what he was doing. Most guys can't find the spot even if it shot off a flare and played a kazoo.
Bro I just got a hand job playing tiny wings.. Hell yea
I just smoked part of an Oreo cuz I thought it was some hash you left
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