like literally i think i'm sweating out semen right now
I woke up with a flask of whiskey and a mason jar full of sausage in my tux jacket. south georgia is where i belong
Honestly, where the fuck is osama bin laden?
It's official, I've know hooked up with everyone I carpooled with in middle school
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
1. my parents still have sex. 2. being a screamer runs in the family. 3. so much so that i can tell what number of orgasms she's on. 4.so looks like i'm stuck outside a while
i'm going to look back at this as the time of my life when i casually dated that autistic guy
You fuck like a mechanic. That is the universe telling you that is your true calling. Take this as a sign.
nothing like walking in the house at 3 am in my panties and a sheer shirt carrying a life sized cardboard dale earnhardt jr
Tomorrow I need you to slap me in the face. I'll explain then
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You attempted what you called the "Long Island Heist", in which you shoved a half glass of Long Island down your pants and asked me to help you sneak it out. That drunk.
You are the jesus of drinking
Also you know what's irritating? When the guy you're sleeping with refuses to like any of your Instagram posts
I'm sorry I tried to stab you. I just really wanted those mozerella sticks.
At 3:00am my whole house started smelling like cooking meat. I have no idea why she thought it was a good idea to crock-pot a WHOLE turkey that early in the morning.
You told everyone to shut up then told the officer that you are 21 when you drink.
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