Vegas for my brothers bachelor party. Just landed and I have a boner. I'm giggly and teary eyed I'm so excited.
she was drinking until 3, woke up at 7, shouted 'I'M STILL DRUNK" and went out for a jog in her thong
I say go for the trifecta and maybe you'll get a medal or something. Or a baby. That's like the same thing right?
And I just realized we will be at a strip club when the end of the world is supposed to happen. This is destiny
Send help, water and tortillas.
We were sitting outside of the building and he literally just walked up with no pants on. This is the best college ever
This strange Italian man told me he wants to take me for ice cream and kept calling me "tomato" from tinder
the puppy had a little leather gag and was using a ball gag as a fetch toy
And the next thing I knew I was blowing this random hot italian bartender with an uncircumcised penis in his work closet
Also, you fell asleep with you hand on and around my cock last night.
We're not ready for visitors right now.
wtf? who's we?
The Royal We: Me, My Vag, and I.
we tried to make a drinking game out of 4 pokemon cards you found in a drawer.
it's 1043 pm. still havent changed out of the shirt i wore last night so at this point i figure i'll go for twosies.
Can we throw a "death to my 20s" party when I turn 30?
Sure. Funeral attire and hard liquor
He woke me with blue berry pancakes and a blow job. He's a keeper.
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