You want looks pregnant, is pregnant, or the one with a kid.
While I'm in the bathroom taking a piss you think of a way to get us the hell out of here.
so last night my mother drunkenly told me that maybe the reason why I want to be a vet was because I was conceived doggy style.
please take me off your list of people to text when you don't want to drink by yourself.
Does adding vodka to a protein shake defeat the purpose?
First order of business is dropping my 9 am gym class. I'm sweating pure vodka.
Call me pathetic, but saying "tits for ireland" is working out really well on chatroulette today.
i fucked a milf yesterday.
i'm not impressed, in this generation that could technically mean a 16 year old.
btw when he was trying to sleep i was apparently poking him in the face w my 'flipper' slurring random manatee facts
Outta milk. Using rum instead for pancake mix. Drunk Thursday is a gooo
yeah the little voice in my head screaming YOU NEED TO GET LAID eventually grew legs and started kicking me so to avoid brain damage i had to fuck him
My mom is lecturing me about 'invaluable housekeeping skills' while I google 'cocktails involving gin' on my phone. I can feel the generational gap looming in her silent judgment of my choices.
You tried to pay for our cab with the 2 dollars you got from selling your natty ice outside the strip club.
Just got high and apologized to my vagina for getting chlamydia
Uhmm, it's called hentai.
I DON'T CARE WHAT IT'S CALLED I DON'T WANT TO SEE IT ON MY WORK COMPUTER
He stopped mid sex to pour wine in my mouth...
Marry him.
Randomize
