you wouldn't come out from under your bed because you said there were six-armed bears everywhere.
ohhh that explains the pepperonis I found in my sock drawer this morning...
no it doesn't.
When you went through airport security you asked if the could check if a baby was in there. That drunk.
Monday morning margarita madness at ny house. Yes before wheel of fortune. Yes day drinking.
'Well you know, stuff happens' isn't really an excuse for sticking a cheeto in my ear
I just had my first boner in 64 days today....glad to find out my fluids are still pumpin
I may or may not go. send a pic of a nipple so I know how much fun you're having
It's like an adderall Houdini. Right when you think you have a deal he disappears
we just drove past a kid stuck in a tree what a wonderful time to be alive
Congrats! Its a fuck boy!
Threesomes are not as fun as you'd think. I left with a black eye and I'm not sure who's to blame.
We go out and drink, fuck, and I stay the night. He agrees to it because he knows I'll hook him up to IV fluids in the morning. Everyone wins
There is a moment when you wake up with a butt plug in when you question your choices in life.
There is also a moment when you wake up in a kiddie pool of jello cubes where you question what the fuck you did last night. Are you still in the attic or did you go home.
Yeah, so if you ever try to steal it, just know my tongue's been on it in several occasions. All over it.
just woke up with nickles taped to my body. theres like a dollar worth.
Drunk. Come get me. Out front blue shirt.
Where are you? And you borrowed my shirt. I know what you're wearing. How wasted are you?
Hotel
WHICH HOTEL??
Randomize
