I'm not looking forward to the waking up early part. Or actually the wedding part. Or the reception part. But I am looking forward to the meaningless sex with some random guy I meet at the reception part.
we got sick of 7 11 doubles so we made up a game where you just drink when anyone rolls a 5
thats barely a game just flip a coin
should we drink on heads or tails?
The cab driver just finished telling me how leaving community college after one month was the best desicion he ever made.
he said he wanted to butter my pancake. i thought it was sexual, but he went downstairs and made pancakes. i need to stop dating fat guys.
not to be a dick but do you remember the names of all your friends i made out with after we broke up?
I told them I got hit by a car again and now im pretty sure they think im being abused but there was no way in hell the truth was going to fly. Employed people aren't supposed to break their faces in piggy back ride accidents.
I think his roommates are using word magnets to tell me that they can hear us. His fridge currently says, "Chris ate out naughty girl."
7:26 bus just came. I am sweatier than Louie Anderson eating chili in a sauna
Dude, you vomitted into a trashcan wearing your bear hands and high heels. Your drug dealer even said that was rough.
I need ecstasy. And, before you ask, the answer is yes right now
He told me he sees me like a sister then 10 mins later tried to make out with me.
He asked if I was alright. I said "Yeah, I'm just an incapacitated ball of orgasmic bliss right now."
I love you but this is the first Saturday I have ever spent at the police station. And where are my boxers?
Do you remember feeding the vacuum doritos last night?
help. his tongue is stuck. Its not what you think. Hurry.
Randomize
