Well listen chief - never again do i want the scenario of going to the ER totally naked and partially drunk to b a possibility.
we made margaritas with slurpies from 7-11 and beer.
guess who has a date tonight
look at you growing up, going on dates before she hops into bed
The stripper on stage Is eating a mozzarella stick while on the pole....that's a new level of I don't give a fuck
You do realize that you tried to eat the neighbors cat because the dominos guy was 5 minutes late. You would have succeeded if we didnt stop you.
theres a wall by my room thats like, a prime fucking wall. before i move out SOMEBODY is gonna fuck me on that wall, goddamnit.
I only put bad things in my body...jack, caffeine, chocolate, pills, and rich's cock. It's like being holistic but exactly opposite
There's a chance I told a cop that I was ready for him to strip I may have even taken some ones out of my purse and stuck them in his holster
She just walked up to him and was like "you should fuck Angela" and it worked! She is the ultimate wingman
I've learned life lessons in Vegas. Mostly, drugs are cheaper than alcohol.
Someone has big plans this weekend. Just went to throw away the trash and saw packaging for 3 different vibrators on the top of the stack
After last night, I think I need a service animal to monitor the life choices I make when I'm inebriated. A monkey, or a clever dog. Or a really assertive parrot.
You know you're doing college wrong when you have to bail your RA out of jail
That dick was not the dick of a twenty year old
He has the fingertips of a God
Randomize
