I want to see a picture of the girl worth ruining our relationship for
Did you know even strippers have to have GED's these days??
had a convo with my professor before class while peeing... new level of awkward or a breakthrough in our relationship? i feel like there is no longer a professional boundary.
just because she threw up on my junk doesnt mean i dont like asians anymore
we're on our way back. she tried to pants the waiter again.
it was pretty much a given that i would lose my thong on dollar tequilla shot night
I just banged that chick from the bar by speaking french. all i had to do was recite my grocery list
Just text the random number in my iphone notes that was entered at 1am. Should be interesting.
Don't stress. That was a joke. I'd trust my pets with no one else. Accidents happen. Sometimes things go smoothly when you help a neighbor out and sometimes you electrocute their fish. Life is funny that way.
Trying to do the walk of shame over here WHY are there a hundred ppl on the el?! Thank god I pulled a summit and wore casual clothes I even stopped by the farmers market and bought some squash
we are not taking body shots with the irish cream
I was drunk and on Craigslist.. The drunk-text offers people got must have been either horrifying or glorious
I think I'm pregnant again.
or as we call it, thursday.
Girl just left one of the apts upstairs carrying a giant bottle of kahlula and a lunchable.... I feel like we could be friends
He almost got to me tonight but then I was like fuck it I'm going to dance with a teli-tubby on the bar so fuck you
Randomize
