so tomorrow. i'm thinking coinstar then adderall?
My lunch today consisted of going on the brewery tour with my boss. Free pretzels and two free beers.
I hate you.
To be fair, the beers are only 8 ounces each. So maybe you just kinda dislike me.
i googled "where to have sex in disneyland." i found nothing.
The only thing he got me during our relationship was a cum stain in my backseat. I choose winners.
you just stared at your feet and said some shit about the molecules dancing and how you had just solved physics.
Any questions about why there was a scuba tank chilling in the hot tub this morning?
omfg. get on facebook. the science olympiad team had a rave.
some guy just walked by in the street and for 5 seconds yelled "IMM SOOOO HORNYYYYYY!!!!"
They were lying down in the parking garage pretending to be speed bumps...
i was way too optimistic last night... got back to my apartment and the porch light was still on, like i'd actually make it all the way home.
My entire summer has consisted of being too drunk for this shit, too sober for this shit, or too hungover for this shit.
I'm trying to get WebMD to diagnose me with a hangover
According to my Fitbit I was passed out in my car for 2 hours after she got us kicked out of the bar
So I took my bra off and threw it in the bushes before we went to the bars..
I'll give you another blowjob if you bring me some cake.
Randomize
