90% of the problems in your life are directly related to your vagina
I wana party with Kermit the frog, no wait. Fozzy the bear. He's probably a silly bitch when he's drunk.
he's 25, hott, and leaving for iraq tuesday, i wanna get in as much as possible...
your life is a nick sparks novel waiting to happen
Vegas is awesome. Its like you have a kentucky accent girls automatically assume you don't have herpes.
we were boning in the bathroom when her boyfriend came upstairs. I wish i could remember what happened next more clearly, because it had to have been hilarious
Postcard from jail please. Reserving a spot on my fridge.
I blacked out before two in the afternoon yesterday. Now that's a successful birthday.
The only thing I remember is vomiting and then feeding my dog a Mcdonalds cheeseburger and telling him yolo
I just found a contact in my phone named "Sam 'it Won't Fit' Wilson". No clue when or where it came from....
Can't decide if it was more awkward buying sheets together or disposing of them afterwards
I know this is super early in advance but can I borrow your horse mask on 4/20
We've had gay sex and pie, the holiday season has officially begun.
DUDE!!!!! THERE IS A MIDGET HANDING OUT RICE KRISPIE TREATS!!!!!! WHERE ARE YOU WHEN THE COOL SHIT GOES DOWN???????
where the fuck are you? she just tazed two people and we're tripping shrooms...successful first night in new apartment!
just drove past - why are you walking towards the shop in your pyjamas?
Can't talk, on a quest for bacon.
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