I thought you should know that you passed out in your trash can last night.
Thanks for throwing up on me.
Totally smoking with fifteen year olds.
I felt like a body pillow being humped by a twelve year old.
No, I didn't like him that much. But I took one for the team. And by the team I mean me and my vagina.
This would be a good time for the don't get drunk and bang a married chick pep talk...
she wants to wait til the kids are asleep so im just shotgunning the parents beers in the pillow fort. I love fucking babysitters
I think I broke a hole in her wall trying to do backflips
Do you know how to give stiches?
I do not...this text concerns me
Expect nothing less than me teaching them how to do shots and put condoms on
I think I ruined his life by managing to get his initiation nickname for his frat to be "Whiskey Dick" but I still wish herpes on him and his fugly new girlfriend.
Oh fuck, I messaged a Jack Kerouac poem to a girl I'm trying to sleep with last night at 4am.
This drunk lesbian I just met keeps trying to shove sushi in my mouth. Help.
Dude. I don't even want cuddles. I just want an acknowledgement that I just had balls in my mouth.
I know I'm going to throw up tonight it's just a matter of when and where
Taking body shots off hot Camren. Get here now.
Randomize
