so she proceeds to puke everywhere, look up at me like a sick dog, and then say, "i'll finish if you want me to."
Cuntadactyl. (n). A pre-historic dinosaur of Mandy-like features that is primarily identified by it's inability to play well with others and overall C-word demeanor. Physically, an unfortunate appearance.
discovery: the myth about swedish girls giving good head? not a myth.
I would give my right arm to go back to college. Or maybe not. Would be kinda hard to pick up guys with one arm. Then again, knowin what I do now...I could take any freshman bithc with only one arm.
I just remembered we said the Lord's Prayer before we went out last night.
Eating meat and looking at porn while roommate is at church for Ash Wednesday. Win.
You tend to look at life differently when you wake up to nutella vomit all over your room with no recollection of how it got there
You know how to spell recollection?
Just went outside to gather hail to use to make margaritas since we ran out of ice. That's God's way of helping us out.
he called us the olsen twins. we also rapped ignition much to his dismay.
Called my ex last night, told her I wanted to bang like we use too, her fiance was in the car, I was on speaker phone. NO MORE TEQUILA!
Did she say Ok?
Why is there soup literally in every orifice of my body?
I'm glad you enjoyed the night but why were you calling me "daddy"?
Roommate charged out of his room in pajamas yelling "MAKE IT RAIN" and just threw $4,000 in fifties onto my head. My Friday night.
I left my red butterfly dildo laying on my bedroom floor this morning....my landlord is currently showing the house to people. Fuck can't ever face him again.
You were filing your nipples with a nail file to "make them sharper"
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