shit is crazy. i just keep thinking that this kid growing inside Emily used to live in my balls.
If burritos were dicks, we'd have a serious relationship problem on our hands. Just saying.
My dog ate my bag of weed. Thats not the easiest call to the vet to make.
If you did the rosary as much as you masturbated, you would be the pope
i hate that you can chart my weight gain through my facebook pictures.
Everything about him screamed your future.
I am not deleting the internet history anymore, now I am going for shock value.
i was about to rearrange the room but realized that this is the only efficient setup where we can have sex while the other one's asleep without them accidentally seeing.
Why is your name on a gluestick in a plastic baggy stuck to my door?
N.C. cops just used a megaphone to tell me I have a slutty outfit. My life is complete.
she's fucked both of my roommates but not me. i feel like I'm not part of the group anymore
My goal is to have my roommate find me sprawled out in the middle of my floor naked and passed out. Maybe with some Alfredo chicken hanging out of my mouth. I don't know, we'll see where this goes.
You know youre getting old when you I.D. the person trying to take you home to be sure they're over 25. Help me.
Plus my parents would be pissed if I spent Thanksgiving in jail... again.
I threw up in 4 different Starbucks across the city before 9 am.
Randomize