He said he was just looking at my pictures and was thinking about how he wanted to cut my hair..then dye it black and put platnium blonde extensions throughout it and layer my hair
If i could bang her from 80ft away, I would
dude so we were eating nacho cheese popcorn and chasing it with cole slaw
by the way nacho cheese popcorn is me making popcorn and then adding milk butter and mac n cheese mix
Nothing like a Mormon bachlorette party to make you feel slutty
Just climbed to the top of a frozen waterfall! Do you want to do drugs tm night? The two are unrelated.
You promised me a handle of vodka if I took home her ugly friend. Thanks to law class I took for the 2nd time I know that's a unilateral contract asshole
I dont care what I am for halloween, as long as i'm not a father after
Finishing last nights 1.5L of wine and beef jerky for breakfast. Work looms, ever the prickly bitch.
There is a special place in Hell for whichever one of you put Ben Gay on my dildo. It was a very uncomfortable April 1.
i hope you're proud of yourself! i just had to ask my boss to put ointment on the rugburn on my back. clothes hurt!
That moment when a stripper is the one that makes the two of you have to define the status of your relationship...
FUCK. EVERYONE MAKE MY CONTACT NAME DADDY ISSUES
wtf guys I thought we agreed on no more knives. So much for not destroying the house
The two of us went back to your place, had sex, peed in cups, then i went home. Literally all i know
He has the fingertips of a God
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