a woman just threw her tv out the window while screaming "will you fucking work now?". i'm never moving
And then he said "my dick isn't hard enough and your tits aren't big enough for this to work"
The way I see it, if i don't fail the midterm and blow off some of the projects, how else am I going to get motivated to study for the final ?
We walked in and found his glass coffee table broken and you in the bathroom throwing up saying "What a bad first impression."
I think I'm on the verge of a really slutty period in my life
If you're still awake, how rude would it be if I masturbated in her new apartment on moving day? If you're asleep, then ask me how it was.
You passed out in my bathroom last night. I put a towel over your face so I could shit without it being gay
She said her hobbies include bangin guys on one night stands and then sending them facebook relationship requests the next morning just to freak em out
Roommate is high and swore off off the diet. Said she wants to make everyone else fat since it'd be easier. She spent today baking 3 dozen brownies for the office tomorrow and is already down to 24.
I am making pancakes and watching Spongebob Squarepants. My life is a waste of youth.
Very excited! Vodka will be shot, dicks will be ridden, and memories made.
We were walking up the stairs and I asked Dominick what floor the party was on. The cop who had just tried breaking it up was walking down the stairs, drinking a slurpee, and answered, "Third floor."
Simple math equation: Up till 5 a.m. drinking + up at 9 a.m. for nephews birthday party = puking in the pool
I can't find the remote or the Doritos. Someone call 911. S.O.S. I sent this in Braille.
Why are you naked at 4pm?
Its my birthday, I dont have to wear clothes
Randomize
