Take xtc, wait 20 minutes and then take a shower. Trust me.
I love her so much that if I could have sex with her I wouldn't cuz my dick would feel out of place in such a perfect body/vagina
Pregaming for shuffle board at 10 AM. I love spring break.
Kinda wish I banged him. I need the exercise.
It's 4PM and I'm finally awake.. I'm covered in dog fur and shame. I'd say it counts as a good night.
Monday: I just need a drink Tuesday: OMG no more this week! Wednesday: oh shit how'd I get drunk Thursday: I'm glad you've stopped the pretenses
It's getting increasingly easier to use his emotional instability to my advantage. That's about all he has going for him right now.
I would let Bear Grills repel down a waterfall using my dick if I could go to sleep right now.
You know you gotta reevaluate your life when the first thought that comes to mind after you wake up is 'at least I'm still alive'
Bailey. He has a soul patch. Idgaf if he was an NFL player. Nobody with a soul patch is attractive.
He held back my hair as I puked, then kindly asked me to slightly move my head over and pissed right next to my face.
I m a li title tea p or short and sto u. T.... Here is my haaandley
C ANGT CATCH NE IM THE GIBNGER BREAS MAB
You kept ripping all your clothes off and saying, "Let me be free!"
Omg I joined a choir last night...
No I dont want him to bring his twin brother, cause then ill have to entertain him with my vagina
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