Why. Ill be the rabbit if ull be the carrot.
you know you're not getting laid when you start breaking awkward silences with quotes from Robot Chicken
he asked me to eat out his asshole. after five minutes of uncomfortable staring i realized he was serious.
I found a picture of my kindergarten class. Now you can see whose peer pressure I succumbed to.
I just met his wife...she told me they have been having marriage problems and are spending his paychecks on marriage counseling...then she cried on my shoulder...NOW i feel like a bitch.
well.. I tried flushing my sandals down the toilet
I barely even remember him. He is just a distant beard in my past.
HOLY FUCK I JUST GOT WOKEN UP BY THUNDER!!!!!
I THINK I SHARTED
Youre the drunk baby that everyone wants to take care of.
Ski vacations are for hooking up with randoms. It's like I don't even know you
If if makes you feel any better, you're definitely the hottest guy I've ever friendzoned.
She said she forgot something.. and when she came out she was carrying a garden gnome, and a bottle of vodka. she was too hot to question it.
Just came so hard my back cracked. Other women are totally missing out if they don't masturbate.
I had sex with a mask on because I have the flu and I didn't want to get him sick.
What did you delete my number or something
Oh honey. What makes you think I saved in in the first place?
Randomize
