He started to lick my mole,thinking it was my nipple.
remember when you told me, jokingly, to not get jizz on your shirt that i borrowed last night?
I have a masturbator in my 5th grade class. the teacher told me ever since they caught him humping the desk in 2nd grade, they haven't been able to control him. he's even on medication but he will just do it in class
You told my mother that her salad dressing tasted like semen.
I don't talk to her anymore. I lit her birthday presents on fire. Who the fuck puts candles that close to tissue paper?
I could tell by the Randy 'Machoman' Savage "hey brother" that you were beyond inebriated
Found you in the bushes with fireworks, a teacup and no shoes. Decided it was a bad time to wake you.
No, i went to get it done but the guy couldnt find it. exhibit A of why i wanted a clit piercing in the first place.
EVERYONE CAN HEAR YOU FUCKING YOU ARE IN A TENT
Lol. No. We cannot eat chicken while we have sex. No.
Walked in the bathroom at work and my boss was taking a shit with the stall wide open and responded "oh yeah, I forgot you never have been to prison "
multiple people will be seeing my nips tonight. not mad about it at all
I don't need a lecture. I'm 41. I know I'm an idiot.
why the hell did we go to a rave last night?
we didn't?
definitely went to a bar with strobe lights
JENNIFER. You passed out in a toilet with a color changing light in it.
I'm cuddly bitch. Deal with it.
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