You're the only person with a favorite bar in Disneyworld
just saw a DUI checkpoint outside of a taco bell...i feel like thats cheating...
I say we get drunk before the exam tomorrow. At least then we have a valid excuse for failing.
He went all Bachlorette on me.. "I just want to guard and protect your heart" bullshit
the ladder is at the bottom of the pool
I literally put my pussy on his sideburns, it was awkward
There's a lil minaj in everyone
He goes "sorry was at the gym. Some of us workout " and I wanted to text him back and go "well some of us do occasional drugs so we don't have to"
This lady gave me four cups to go along with my gallon of daiquiri. Silly girl, all I need is a straw.
I rather not break my neck. It's hard to look sexy with a neck cast.
Blocking me on Facebook doesn't change the fact that you've had my penis in my mouth. So there's that.
If he would've shaved his beard when we first broke up, getting over him would've been so much simpler. That asshole.
i just passed i guy i once let listen to me masterbate on the phone...nyc is not big enough
I have this theory that your highest awareness of how drunk you are is while you're sitting on a toilet
Tomorrow is my bachelor party. If I die tomorrow, please know I graded you a "check" as a sister. "Check-minus" when you got mouthy.
What was the name of that sleazy asshole I'm not allowed to sleep with?
Randomize
