super hot butfun
Oops. What a difference a comma and a space make.
I cant believe I just managed to do a drug deal across the country for you...
In hindsight, i should have predicted that a drink called the 'rocky mountain bear fucker' would not end in a pleasant experience
The only thing he got me during our relationship was a cum stain in my backseat. I choose winners.
Andrew is trying to convince me that i took your virginity. Please tell me he is lying.
define virginity.
Tonight is one of those "I'm wearing a shirt as a dress" nights because I need to get laid.
My roommate threw his shoe through our window and I came out of my blackout kicking holes in my wall. Pretty sure Edward 80 Hands won't be happening anymore.
Seriously wondering if smoking a bowl for lunch was a bad idea.
OR THE BEST. STAY TUNED.
She got turned on by my fanny pack full of condoms. I can't believe you said it was a bad idea to wear it to the party.
you closed your eyes and pointed to a cupboard..there was vodka on the top shelf. your sixth sense is amazing. plus, we convinced the foreign kid you're a booze whisperer
Ahh you know it's going to be a long day when you mistake a beer for a sprite at 10:30 in the morning while babysitting
I need to establish a pattern of dominance early.... I'm like a slutty Cesar Milan
His lack of social graces and moral fiber complements mine nicely.
Should we go get some celebratory "I'm not pregnant" tacos?
HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED
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