Id pretty much put it in anything at this point. Jello. Dogs. 12 year old boys
We can smell you smoking weed from downstairs and your little brother is asking why the upstairs smells like gasoline. Please smoke in the basement. XOXO dad.
i was considerably less excited after they told me my present didnt have a penis
so when we were booking the hotel and plane tickets for vegas we reserved a chapel for someone, it's inevitable.
forgot a fork. i am eating fettucini alfredo with a comb that i rinsed off the the bathroom sink. eating alone in my car. life doesn't get any sadder than this
how are you not completely traumatized after 8 years of friendship with me?
Just did an upsidedown spineboard shot. Gotta love lifeguard parties.
That's your penis' name. I've always referred to it as Alejandro secretly.
There is no try. Just do it. Yoda said that. Or Nike. I can't remember. whiskey
Apparently "dick me" was not the response he was looking for.
That sounds promising. I'm twerking to human nature.
Just saw a dude take a shot in the parking lot in his car. Too early in the semester for that
I'll take care of you. Just let me pee on this old white person's car first.
There's a guy running dressed as a bunny toward your house.
First night in my new place, I had to get drunk to get used to the idea of shitting in a new toilet
Randomize
