Im gonna name my vag after egypt, "the valley of kings"
I miss Bob Barker.
Yeah, more like Douche Carey...
watchout when you come home, dougs at the top of the stairs naked eating doritos
How long after st. Patrick's day is it ok to shit green before I should seek medicial attention?
my mom said i couldn't bring cigarettes cause it was a family trip, which was really irresponsible of her because now i have to walk around the beach drunk trying to find someone with cigarettes.
He's going to regret telling me he doesn't care if i shave or not...
her best friend is in town and she told me that they used to fool around when they were drunk and I'd have to "help keep that from happening"
you motherfucker
81 degrees in april.... Thinking margaritacicles, you in?
I think I'm going to add the date I dumped his sorry ass as a life event on FB.
I think that's justified.
What's the address and code again...does anyone need anything and why is my viking helmet on the bed?
Oh! You were the one walking around cradling the bottle of Fireball all night!
He's like a hurricane
a drunk, sexist, hurricane
We've been fucking like crazy ever since she quit her job..ive been running errands all day to stay out of the house and give my dick a day of rest
I hate my life now
The good news is I woke up fully clothed, on top of my covers, with a half eaten granola bar. So, breakfast was waiting for me and I’m already dressed and ready to go today.
How drunk were you? in an effort to seduce him, you demonstrated your lap dance skillz on his dog.
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