Facebook really needs to add a bikini picture profile tab for girls, it would really save me countless amounts of time!
im sitting at a bagel shop wearing a princess crown hungover and have a sweater that is not mine.
he literally just asked me which v neck he should wear tomorrow.
he breathalyzed me before we had sex.
You were so trashed that when you dropped your fruit rollup on the floor, you just sat next to it and cried.
he turned the pretty ricky playlist on. its about to go down.
I just got a whiff of tequila through the air conditioner.
230 lb girl across the train from me is giving a dude in a kilt a handjob while he sits in her lap
There was a cop outside the house so we just put the alcohol in this watermelon
Guess who just got out of a ticket because the cop liked her costume? THIS GIRL.
I rang in the new year by giving a lap dance to a Lutheran minister in a roomful of people including his wife. Jesus would be proud.
I came to the party for him. I don't know where he went, but I mentioned being hungry and his housemate brought me a huge tupperware container of berry cobbler. I think I'll stay.
Wanna have a sleepover and take me to court in the morning?
I was at his place until 2am. We just sat really close an stared at each other. I think you are right. Germans must not have feelings. Not even tingly ones in their pants.
I think I'm more excited for Santa to come now that I made a drinking game out of it
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