Everytime we come here you have an ex here.
apparently the 911 operator took drunk dialing waaayy too seriously
Im watching hello kitty on qvc debating if its a good idea to cook bagel bites on my space heater
So drunk can't even tell it's my own house. WOaoOw.
I'm done. I'm tired and there's a topless pic of me floating around the nation's largest 3G network.
Does slim fast make a chocolate heart for valentines? If so that's what she's getting.
I think I'd do Clint Eastwood.
...kinda gettin a major gay vibe from you right now.
That was a text you sent me last night.
I was tied up in bed before noon, the rest of the day can go to hell.
we watched a porno and made a drinking game out of it. best first date ever.
Idk how much vodka is on these pants but I'm gonna wear them anyway: the biopic
Went on a blind date. Afterwards I ripped my pants off and said "it's game time". He was into it.
I'd call the fact I ended up in my own bed a huge success
I haven't felt more like a college student than when I woke up this morning naked with my sociology textbook in front of me and my bong in my left hand.
What a weekend. It started with me realizing i might not be straight and ended with me spraining my foot.
The economy isn’t reopen until I can get drunk and motorboat fake tits at lunch on a Wednesday
Randomize
