there is a polo shirt epidemic at this bar. also, im pretty sure i just saw the grown-up coppertone baby
I am like the Mr. Miyagi of queefs.
I showered today. Officially upgrading myself to useless.
I'm at the airport and there's a guy wearing all camoflash to go hunting .. Should I bump in to him and say woahh sorry didn't see you there?
well i had to explain to their mom why the kids i babysit for won't stop repeating the phrase "nice juicy guido"
We've only been driving for two hours and I'm already down 3 vicodin...I'm not going to survive this family vacation.
We thought you were crowd-surfing until we realized it was the bouncers throwing you out
he quoted the bible to break up with me
Something's wrong. My throat is definitely not in it's normal spot. Way too low.
He gave me such a powerful orgasm I blurted out I love you. This is why just rebouding out of a serouis relationship is awkward.
The moral of the story is this:the last shot of the night is always a mistake
I hope I didn’t eat too many edibles just now. I got shit to do today. Like make Jell-O shots and take a shower.
She handed me scissors and told me that they were the ones with the lowest probability of having been used to trim someone's pubes.
Can I bother you for a second.
You always bother me but go on.
i think i'm just going to start having sex with his brother, he's much hotter and it would definately be less illegal.
Randomize
