sometimes when you bring the thunder you get lost in the storm
she just sneezed while going down on me. is it rude for me to ask her to do it again?
The worst thing about having a parent with a prius is that they can walk in on you without any warning
No. I was horrified and confused as to why you thought scrambled eggs and cottage cheese was a good mix
I'm so hungover i just sang the alphabet to see if "Z" comes after "W"
I just sneezed and had an orgasam..THAT turned on
You were wasted and fell in a pond when you met him, it's not like you were on top of your game
Let's just say that watching the sunrise in a space helmet is really the only way to do it.
Like I had no idea he knew how to play girls the way he played me. His major is chemistry for christ's sake.
It's not even like I care. He was cute 30lbs ago and before he fucked that Michael Jackson look alike.
Can we go to Home Depot next week? Drunk Kim broke my toilet with a hammer.
we have what I like to call an assload of ramen noodles
Can you stop being a bitch and just take some Kaluha shots with me bro?!?
I told my manager I was trying to conserve my energy for date night/Sexual Olympics later. That's legit for another break, right?
If you think eating a bowl of leftover stuffing and drinking champagne from the bottle in dirty sweats at 9am is sexy... Then yeah, I'm your girl.
Randomize
