I literally stabbed myself so I had a valid reason to get out of having sex with her
Their wedding is on my 21st birthday. I fail to see a way that this could end poorly.
dude. we need more in our fridge then just beer and applesauce.
Hypothetical question. Say I was bleeding profusely, close to your house, and needed a place to go to clean up and perform minor surgery on myself. Like now.
The condom broke. Its OK tho, turns out I was just humping her thigh for 20 minutes. Jager dude, Jager.
if i cared i wouldnt have woken you up by pouring a bottle of soy sauce on you.
is that what this stuff is?
So you're mad that you saw a penis at a swinger's party? That's rational
I'm literally 40 minutes from where I was supposed to stay. I woke up in a parking lot.
I think the cashier could tell I was sad. All I bought was penis shaped food and chocolate
I have a black eye again and dont know why again
I'm sorry you're hurting. Would a picture or my erect penis help?
I hope Trump leaves Planned Parenthood alone for at least another month. The week got away from me. #whorelando
So then I got so stoned I sat and took my pulse for 10 minutes.
Who told you he won a fight? He slammed his face into the ground while trying to do 11 push-ups
I ate at the cafeteria for the first time yesterday and today I think I had an hour long fart.
Randomize
