Pants 0. Shit 1.
i mean you're really good at taking the morning after pill...so you could put that on your resume..
yeah, i think fast in a bad sitatuion and am able to react with appropriate measures
He just kept telling me how to do certain things. It was like I was fucking my sex ed teacher
Wheres my "thanks for using birth control effectively and not contributing to the downfall of society" card.
I don't know how I'm gonna do that tomorrow. I feel like I was hit by the motorhome. LOL I WAS.
Talking to a male stripper. About the LSAT. Only in Vegas.
I'm not drunk enough to eat silly string
There was an Altoids can full of urine in the bathroom. I do not want to know what was going on in there.
Irrelevant. Does he have queso? That's the real question.
He told me to come in and have some water before I drove home, my vagina didn't stand a chance escaping. We didn't even make it to the kitchen.
Doing the walk of shame at 1 AM. Stumbled across a rave. This night is epic.
I really hope you didn't eat the bowl of melted vanilla ice cream I left on the coffee table. Because it is not melted vanilla ice cream.
Bro, if we got a house, it'd basically be a revolving door for slightly overweight, but extra cute, sexually deviant girls with daddy issues.
How do you explain to your mom that you let your friend stab you in the leg while drunk and high on coke?
just ran into my father at CVS while buying condoms...he winked at me. I really need to move out of this town.
Randomize
