totally just realized while washing my face that Cetaphil looks like semen.
i find it depressing how it takes me longer to find a good video compared to the actual jacking off process.
This girl I work with, who is 18 btw, invited me to her baby shower. Do they sell abortions in gift certificate form?
He thanked me for being "his little blond pogo stick last night". Good thing?
You mailed him a break up letter, because you thought the "joy of receiving a letter" would ease the pain of you dumping him.
Just hooked up with the fireman who put out the quesadilla fiasco last tuesday.
WHY ARE YOU SMOKING WEED WHEN YOU JUST HAD A STROKE. AND MORE IMPORTANTLY WHY ARE YOU DOING IT WITHOUT ME.
Does he cat effect his dick pics to you? Because THAT is true love
I never thought people would keep their guns next to their fake plastic penises, but there they were.
You have not lived until you've had your brains fucked out on a broken down Tunnel of Love ride. Life is good.
It bothers me when I see my old fuck buddies starting families on Facebook.
I never thought I'd say this but there's too many dicks around here.
So the girl I met at the bar last night came home with me. Played with my puppy. And left.
Babe, holding my hair while i blow you doesn't count as being romantic
I'm currently watching porn and playing beer pong with wine in the lobby of a hotel with a squadron of hot airforce guys. You can never say your life is better than mine again
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