As of this morning, vodka still has the other side of my BFF necklace. She treats me right.
maddie and i have invented a community puke bowl. explanation later
now that im off birth control, the world is a much scarier place
At beerfest, hammered, going to try to not get naked in public but i cant make any promises
Guess who won bingo at the senior center and is going to jail all in the same night?
Last night, I accomplished the impossible. I pissed while riding my bicycle home without pissing all over myself. My Dutch friends gave me a round of applause and said I was now the king of holland.
I wish you would stop telling everyone that your cock turned me into a Bears fan.
I'm stoned at 1030am, watching Maury with my exboyfriend. I need to make better choices with my life.
There two guys dressed as FEMA workers with jump-suits that say "Post-Disaster Breast Examination Division"
hope your day is as exciting as mine- one of our trauma patients just stole an ambulance out of our bay... WITH AN EMT STILL IN IT.
I just folded my boss's lingerie. I need a drink and a raise
that's the second time I've left that bar and slept with the person that's driven my car. thank god I don't take cabs..
Remember that cop that blew me in the parking lot a few weeks ago? He's possibly with his wife and kids shopping at Target.
Oh god I just had an orgasim riding my bike. I need to get laid pronto.
im tired of guys just wanting to hook up with me. im like, guys, i know im pretty and i have a slammin bod and i love making out, but cant someone treat me with respect??
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