He was really drunk and I dared him to jump the swimming pool on his bike. Sadly he couldn't. Hey did you know a testicle can burst?
im not picky. i just want someone whod go down on me while im writing my psych midterm paper. thats not a lot to ask.
I've got my laundry in the car, tonights 1 night stand pre-req is an in suite washer and dryer. Let's do this!
He came in my nose, then said it would help clear my sinuses.
My wedding band has saved me from at least four cases of herpes tonight.
Just did an upsidedown spineboard shot. Gotta love lifeguard parties.
...i'd have to set their sheets on fire.
I just passed a truck with its bed lined with a tarp and filled with water with six dudes chilling in the back driving through campus. That looks fun.
So here's my pathetic thought of the day: what does it smell like to be sober?
Just went to my first strip club and they had Fox News on. Conservative booty time.
That's what you get for doing kinky shit with a guy that lives in his moms basement.
Can we just talk about the fact that the last time I got laid I was wearing a Jurassic Park tshirt?
I was gonna be Romantic and write your name in emoji eggplants but A's are hard
I give out orgasms like candy and ride a motorcycle...how is that not appealing
if my 20s were a chapter in my autobiography, it would be called "the room is spinning and my hands smell like dick"
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