Needless to say when I told my parents they loved me less
i wanna make it FB official so he cant fuck anyone else. but that means i can't fuck anyone else either. CONUNDRUM
Just found two Xanax on the floor at the tanning bed. And yes, Im taking them...looks like going to get cancer is paying off
It took me 6months to figure out that he only had one testicle.
Even the bar was yelling boobs, so of course the shirt came off
This was baby jesus's way of getting you to wait until the next bikini wax
I posted my balls on ericas instagram. It got 17 likes.
You were dancing with a coffee pot of rum in one hand and a joint in the other. So that should explain everything.
I wasn't that drunk, I know my limits. When peeing became difficult I stopped taking shots.
We need to step up our tailgating...they're here drinking out of a prosthetic leg
Just consider it? What else do you have going on today that could be as awesome as a day full of lord of the rings and sex?
You left me alone with nothing but donuts and my thoughts.
She said "we just have chemistry" ... I wanted to say "no, you just have a vagina."
He told me that he had never gotten a blow job. I sat there for a second, then thought "I MUST FIX THIS!" It was fucking fantastic.
For the record, if you sneeze while you have a dildo in your vagina and you dont have a good grip on it, that thing can get some distance.
Randomize
