she just fell off the couch. onto a bag of pretzels. her face resembled a cat that just swallowed a sock.
The best thing happened. Some guy was butchering Conway Twitty at karoke and the power went off in the whole bar. And someone shouted "you pissed jesus off when you messed with conway!"
We aren't going to mix hockey and sex texts tonight.
I totally agree. all sexting is on hold till after the games over.
Playoffs. This shit is serious.
Hey man, did I leave the bottom drawer to my refrigerator that I had beer in at your house by any chance?
It's been five and a half years since she and my brother stopped dating. I feel like that's a long enough grace period. Going for it.
this is the second time this week i got a blowjob from a crying girl.
woke up this morning in the hall outside of my parents room with a sign taped to myself that said "im sorry"...
We make out exclusively when we're drunk. That's like a relationship for me, right?
You said that we all need to "head out like a boner through sweatpants and get fucked." Jager night was a success.
I'm wearing green eyeshadow so even if I end up totally naked I still won't get pinched.
Btw I'm already known as the drunk roommate. Don't know if that's a success or a failure seeing as it hasn't even been a week since I've been here
And now to play every stoner's favorite game: Where the Fuck Did We Park the Car?! Disneyland Edition!
How do u ask ur friend if shes keeping her kid but in a chill way
Of course I fucked her, her man stole my bike when we were kids
she threw up on her exam, awkwardly wiped it off with her sleeve and continued writing.
Randomize
