I had a long pep-talk with my penis that ended in "I love you, I'll try harder and I'm sorry."
false alarm. still invincible.
this episode of spongebob makes me wish crabby patties were real
Where'd you guys get the alcohol from?
Oh. Some homeless guy we picked up from I-70. He bought us $400 worth of alcohol in exchange for a shower.
...... wtf.
Its that time of year where we just drink more instead of dressing warmer
My boyfriend just sent me flowers. I am now crying at the fact i fucked my fat neighbor. God please help me.
Im otw to class. I was at the Library. Just past three girls with a bottle of tequila playing dizzy bat.
I definitely did a line of something I don't know with a Pagan biker. I make good decisions.
She's gone now. Left with the wind like a majestic leaf that just rides the invisible current to locations unknown. And dude, her friends were really hot.
I dont think I should be allowed to pick my own boyfriends anymore
Yoga may not b such a good idea for me today. My liver is obviously in cahoots with my colon to pay me back for the past 24 days of misuse . Downward dog could have catastrophic consequences.
I was told I sang Taylor Swift's entire discography in between violent bursts of green vomit before falling asleep in the bath tub
He was making Jim beam nachos. Chips soaked in whiskey with cheese
She pinched my nipples out of nowhere as I was about to come... I think I found god
MDMA, margaritas, mashed potatoes and ice cream aren't keto Kristin
Randomize
