I think i peed on brittanys purse
Michael Jackson had a heart attack when he found out boyz to men was a music group not a delivery service.
Women are like Alzheimers patiens. You can compliment them a million times in a day, but the next day is always a wash, you have to start all over.
My brother and I both agreed that your boobs are fake.
Is it bad that on the course evaluation it said "do you normally try harder than other students in class" and i circled "absolutely false"?
theres so much semen in my vacuum cleaner...
just saw a former disney star do a keg stand. her life choices have improved.
The night started going down hill when she shot the cashier in the face with the confetti gun we bought at 711.
I only wish the guy being lead around by his cock at the drag show was the weirdest part of my night.
Also I think my taxi driver may have just died and we just happen to be on a 35 mph cruise control on 395...
I, soberly, gave myself a concussion trying to take a pic of my vagina. Fuck you and your hangover.
He was so fat that he broke two of my ribs
Maybe it's time to stop screaming I'm a chubby chaser every time you enter a drinking establishment
I JUST REALIZED THAT SINCE LEIA IS TECHNICALLY A PRINCESS AND KYLO REN IS HER SON AND STAR WARS IS OWNED BY DISNEY...KYLO REN IS LITERALLY A DISNEY PRINCE.
Oh my Gods. Why. Why did you have to tell me that. D:
SO YOU CAN SUFFER HAVING THAT KNOWLEDGE TOO.
Is it ironic that our divorce court is a block from where we had our reception? Or is it just sad? Alanis has confused my understanding of irony.
just licked the cheese off a burger. that high.
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