Yeah, it was perfect until the end. Apparently women are super attracted to me until the sleeping with part.
but what if he tries to talk dirty to me with the lisp?
Eating in charleston sc at a seafood place called "hymans". Like normal I had no problem finding it.
He asked me to touch his mustache. Should I go home with him?
He walked in, tore open the drawer, pulled out a condom, and slammed it shut. He was that ready.
Note to self: don't jizz on a surface cleaned with Tilex. It WILL turn purple.
Okay, we really need to start training for the St Pattys parade. 48 hours of green beer won't end well if we don't prep ourselves. 2 week bender starts now
"Friendship bread", "how to get period stains out of cement", and "elephant bereavement" are all in my recent google history. Whatever shit that was last night really did me in...
Okay we're getting vodka and coming
Okay. Joe has my machete attached to his belt
Yeah because the only thing stopping you from fucking Emma Watson is you not being a Gryffindor
I wanna borrow his axe at this point and cut my head open just to relieve some pressure
I just want an early 40-something dude who is vaguely unencumbered, professionally driven and wants to put me in a ball gag.
You better have a raging boner when I get to your house and it better be worth missing work in the morning.
I don't want too, lol. I'm currently awaiting my next period like its the second coming of christ
So he called his lawyer from the bar to confirm the cost of hitting the douchebag before flooring him. I respect his planning skills.
Randomize
