ok this guy next to me just sat down with a no joke, 10,000 page book, popped an addy, cracked open a red bull and opened the book to page 1.
The only thing the cop asked me is..... "how are you still alive"?
And you just kept trying to fit through the dog door and not drop Jello shots.
I'm gonna sleep with her just to prove to my roomate that shes a slut and he's wasting his time
he has decreed that i can sleep with anyone who has the same name as him. line up all the toms
Juss got out of jail; shes still in there tryin to sing her abc's backwards bc the cops neva asked her too... Whebever she gets to t she starts singin the tequilla song
We had him convinced Visine is flammable. He was genuinely freaked out that everyone would know when he was stoned.
He gave me twenty cool ranch tacos and declared, drunk, " Look, I do good"
Either she's trying to smother me and failing, or she just has a really bad sense of where her tits should go.
meanwhile at my house I found 2 bud heavys in the back of my book shelf crammed between a Franklin book and goodnight moon
He must be a special kind of stupid to cheat on a women who works at a funeral home. Does he not understand you can get rid of dead bodies easier than most Americans?
I like to listen to classical music when I eat taco bell. I think it cancels out the aura of poverty and desperation.
Just woke up in a Price Chopper bathroom stall with a half eaten cake on the floor. Had to get a ride from the waitress I made out with. What happened to "Don't let me drink Tequila?"
I lied.
I think I just read the whole internet. Front to back.
I woke up with an eye patch on, someone else's sweatshirt on, and no pants on. I hope it was a good night.
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