There needs to be a term for a female version of a rusty trombone
And then a tiny penis fell out of my purse
Shes in the fridge organizing my beer collection. I love having a girlfriend with OCD
you definitely made a grilled cheese using your iron..
ya and it worked didnt it??
I think misery doesn't even think of me as company anymore. I'm an unofficial roommate.
We met at my place after separate parties but the condom wrapper was red with hearts and said love. Does that count as a romantic date?
He just came in my nostril. Never look down when a guy is pulling out during missionary.
In case you were wondering...putting everclear into a humidifier DOES get you really really drunk.
he went up stairs with nothing on but calvin klein's and an eskimo hat, said hi to her dad, got a doughnut, and left like it was an everyday thing
And then we can spend New Year's Day sprawled across the tiles watching greys anatomy and puking into the bushes over the balcony. It'll be great
Don't they also have a lot of serious head injuries?
I didn't say I wanted to marry one of them. Or that I want one to perform surgery on me. I just want to have hot, dirty, MMA style sex.
You in for a dick vacation?
YES, even though I have no idea what that means
thanks again for a nice night (and please don't fuck my boss)
I just forgot I was standing up.
There are only a few things more freaky than wandering around a zoo drunk.
Randomize
