She is totally STD
Is it a bad omen that my phone auto corrects dtf to STD
How long is the appropriate time period between a pregnancy scare and breaking up with my girlfriend?
Your mom can still drink beer standing on her head! Talk to you tomorrow :)
Mom wtf!?
I wish you would always start your sentences with "speaking of my clit..."
And it just wouldn't be a Thursday night without me having to cuss out a foreigner. The streak continues.
He was like an artic tracker. Walked ten paces from the tree, then 15 paces from the mailbox, dug down in the snow, and pulled up the case of beer he hid from his parents out there. It tasted like ice cold success.
He got violent drunk so we have to untie him in the morning. He's in your basement and you're out of electrical tape. Don't forget because I will.
I gotta figure out which 7 tampons in the box contains the drugs
The only thing stopping me from having sex with you in my parents jacuzzi bathtub is the knowledge that they've already had that idea themselves
Nope my penis exudes pure oxygen in times of crisis.
Oh you have the munchies, Dad? That's great and congratulations on the weed but STOP EATING MY APPLE PIE
No more stories ab the wkend for co-workers... No one else found "and I didn't have pants on when I got home Saturday night" as funny as I did.
Fun times on public transportation. I just had a guy imply that I was racist cause I didn't want to talk to him when I was clearly reading my book and he was clearly on coke.
I literally cut myself out of my pants. What is my life.
I've broken 3 vibrators in the past month because I apparently am "too rough" with them. Is that even possible?!
Randomize
