i just pissed myself at work. maybe they'll buy the old coffee spill trick
So I just opened the bag you gave me and those panties aren't mine...
oh
The lady at the touchless car wash just gave me the look of death. How do I say, "sorry it's not my puke" in Spanish?
She is wearing lilly and pearls while drinking natty from a monogrammed coozie. If that isn't a sorosititue I don't know what is
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Awesome morning. I just met my boyfriend's wife, should I have shaken her hand or was the hug a tad over the top?
We should see who can shotgun a beer faster over iPhone FaceTime
shes 19, drunk and said she has no gag reflex. im trying to decide if i have scruples
you dont
i dont
Fell asleep on the Grass at Lolla woke up in the Brown line. What. The. Fuck.
He is just lying there. People are throwing money onto his chest as they walk by...
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just almost said to a customer "P as in Pussy"
Well, I dont really know how much penis you have at your disposal so I cant be sure
I've decided to give up hard drugs for the rest of the year.
I think I fucked someone on the flight home last night.
I just found (and ate) a chunk of a reese's that fell between my boobs. Problem is that I finished those off 3 days ago in a drunk induced sob session... Has it really been that long since I changed my clothes?!
I woke up in a beaver hat and contruction vest.. I need answers.
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