i woke up with socks on this morning
so?
i didnt wear socks last night
oh, and bring over your fire extinguisher. we're gonna get the mailman again
after he passed out we removed everything electronic from his room, stuck in some old books and an ancient typewriter from goodwill. for 20 min. we had him convinced he'd drunk himself backward in time.
Wish you were here....
And I wish your mouth was around my cock, but that never happens, does it?
We need to stop celebrating holidays that dont belong to us
I like that we make it a requirement to howl at the moon every time we get drunk together.
You don't understand. He was so ginger that he could make red hair a dominant gene. And I refuse to torture my future spawn like that.
You kept yelling "wood grain wheel" and grinding on fat chicks.
The hell is wrong with me
Do you remember using the vicegrip to demonstrate how wide your penis is?
I think its awesome that i just got you to cheer for sex
Well sex is awesome. Sex deserves cheers.
Hooked up with a straight guy while dressed as a man. I'm unstoppable.
I grabbed the pretzel bag with my toes last night. I think that day of yoga had paid off.
I gave her two orgasms and then we laid there and she ate jelly beans out of my belly button...that girls a keeper
Shes yelled my World of Warcraft name when we were having sex, I think marriage is next.
I'm seriously considering starting a savings account so I'll have bail money this summer.
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