Locked eyes w/ her at mainstreet, and said 'yeah yeah get it!' From there we started violently making out on the dancefloor (I had a FULL boner, ps) and then I got her number
Well I'm going to a gay club in my banana suit. You should come. My bro is going as a pirate. I don't know if there's a theme.
I have carpet burn on my ass, I'm rethinking my decisions last night.
You tried to convince her that if she gave you head she'd hear the ocean.....
I make my boyfriend pay for half of my birth control. We call it his monthly rent.
I just febrezed the jizz on my pants and wore them again, gross or eco-friendly?
Eco-friendly.
I feel like none of my dresses scream slut the way I'd like them to
It's called 'beer pong' not 'everclear and coke pong' for a reason...
No. And Marissa said shitting in the handicap bathroom at work does not get you into the club. You have to shit yourself. She said.
Bombed my 8 a.m. exam and the liquor store doesn't open till noon. Drinking unfinished beers from last night till they open.
I woke up in a tow truck cuddling plan b. Can you pick me up?
I no longer need a flask. I need a canteen.
I know you're having some issues right now but can we focus on the gangbang?
She asked what the dent on the hood of my car was from..i think she knows we had sex up there
okay i know we havent talked for like weeks but i just really wanted to tell you that i miss your dick. like alot.
whose this? and thank you
Randomize
