his internet history is a lot of porn, how to make a hovercraft and side-effects of jacking off too much
hot pretzels for dinner, snacks, and now breakfast...oh to be a poor college student...everyday is like a carnival.
My dad just knocked on my door and told me that my vibrator was too loud
friends with benefits? more like friends with awkward sexual tension
It's officially time to start saving up weed money for the NCAA tournament
I can't believe all I ate yesterday was half a turkey sandwich and 20 finger licks of exctasy.
i walked in the apt and she was vacuuming. i asked why and she said so we could have sex on the floor. i love clean freaks.
Is it bad that I was more upset about not getting the perfume he told me he had bought for me then the actual breakup?
Is moral bankruptcy something you need to file for?
I've never been to a "going away to jail" cookout. do we bring a present?
There's a bachlorette party going on at the bowling alley, so we'll see who wins greatest shitshow tonight.
Men are not even allowed to look at you without a condom on.
Well I'm a full service fuck buddy so lemme know if I can get you food or water or anything
My ex's psycho new girlfriend found my vibrator I forgot at his place. Apparently she didn't find it as funny as I did. 😂
Bring vodka when you get back from court.
Randomize
