I went to blockbuster, where I always go when I need to soul searching
Despondent, hopeless, I decide on vantage point, because I vaguely resemble matthew fox (let me believe this, please)
It was cheaper to buy then rent, so now I'm stuck w/ a wretched hangover and I own this shit movie
It must be a full moon weekend. All of my weird booty calls are coming out of the woodwork. I spent 40 minutes on the phone last night telling one why he is so creepy.
It was so romantic--he turned me around to face the sunset during doggy-style over the couch back.
I just saw a guy getting escorted with handcuffs on, I'm too drunk to be at the airport right now.
maybe next time you shouldn't be drinking alone watching intervention at 3 am and no one would think you needed an intervention.
She just said she wanted to get freaky and left the room. I'm almost certain I just heard the microwave.
Haha its ok. When we got back you sat in the car and attempted to tell me in sign language you were blacked out lol
Well if were past the bullshitting stage yes if not then no I'm not that kind of guy
What was she thinking? I'm not in the business of charity fucks anymore.
Taking shots of gin by myself out of TMNT glasses and chasing with bites of chocolate cake. AMERICA.
I can't wait till they start promoting the testiciplasty. Turn those old prunes into fresh tight kiwis!
We have a vagina exchange agreement. Neither of us can hook up with any of our own law firm's summer associates. So we have a scout and referral program and invite each other to the other firm's summer events. Criss-cross!! Works every summer.
When we were texting for those few weeks, I some how established a crush on you. And its weird and wild and stupid and silly. But these things just have to be said sometimes to determine what's real and what is infatuation. And to suffer the consequences of five am drunk philosophy. No regrets.
Okay so how much boob would you consider inappropriate for smart casual?
Ya i'm marrying the man who can hear/smell this level of flatulence and stick around
Randomize
