so they are in my phone as twin 1 and twin 2. but i forget which is which. did i put them in order of who I hooked up with first, or who is sexier? cause i'm not trying to text the one with the girlfriend
1st off, theyre identical. 2ndly, have i ever told you that youre a huge slut? hope that helps
All my problems are solved. I just got McDonalds and scratch off lottery tickets.
My roommate got wasted last night and went to the 24 hour Bally's Total Fitness at 3 A.M. He got back took his shirt off, made a protein shake, puked, asked me if he was almost as jacked as Ronnie Coleman then called ME gay before I could say anything and went to bed
we just pregamed for our presentation... gotta love group bonding
from now on when you get up to pee in the middle of the night, check to see if im sleeping in your parking lot.
i do.
He went down on me and then slapped my ass saying "thanks for the confidence boost"... is this all I'm good for?
She washed her feet in the sink at white castle. I want this girl in my life.
Good thing I took the morning after pill cuz I pretty much had packaged seamen in me like I was a squirrel saving it for later or something
I am sitting here. Drinking from a bottle of vodka. Eating shredded cheese from a bag and waiting on him to pick me up after he finishes with his girlfriend. This is what dreams are made of.
I'm still drunk. it's summer. I just need a hot dog and an aspirin.
note to self: shower sex when you have 7 stitches in your leg is never a good idea. never.
My stuff that was at your place last night smells like doughnuts. I'm not even mad.
So i know i said I'm turning over a new leaf, but i met a guy with a dick piercing. I have to sleep with him. For science.
I can check masterbating in China off the bucket list.
I'm at 45 minutes post orgasm, and I still feel my insides spasming. Pretty sure I just fucked Superman.
Randomize
