He told me I remind him of his sister...
Was this before or after you did it?
before... I mean, it's been a long time. I just tried not to think of it during.
proudest moment: just made a guy walk into a parked car with his mouth hanging open cause of the shirt im wearing.
I just typed my entire senior project presentation on my blackberry,
yea i thought the egg drop soup tasted weirdly like cum, and then i suddenly remembered what happened last night.
i'm never eating chinese again.
I woke up next to her boyfriend and she woke up next to mine....
This is like a fucked up game of musical chairs.
He made me this shot called the allergen. It was a shot of vodka with a Claritin dropped in it.
Russian roulette. Between salvia and weed. You in?
FUCK YOU MAN
I think we should take up crocheing or stamp collecting....something completely lacking penises
Being drunk is way better. Seriously, I just licked your brother to make sure my spit was actually real.
You kept saying we got to find the end of the rainbow, which turned out to be a box of lucky charms and Guinness in the bag of cereal
Cleaning my room at 2am, in just one corner I found six beers, half a pint of whiskey, my flask, 2 shotgun bullets, my crown and shimmer lotion.
Can we relax the "married man" rule just once?
the sex was good. her showing me pictures of her 4 year old daughter afterwards was not.
I've been trying to masturbate for the longest time now and so far I've accomplished getting tangled in my computer battery cord and phone charger and hitting my knee on my laptop.
Should I wish him a happy birthday?
Well he has been inside of you enough times that you probably should.
Randomize
