So now everyone thinks I don't know what a condom is
When he brought me into his room he showed me his James Bond calendar and matching sheets, and then told me that his goal in life is to be James Bond….epic fail. Mission Impossible. I was scared to take off his boxers to find out that they were also James Bond themed.
RUN LIKE YOUR JAMES BOND
that speech was about as successful as her performance in twilight
He uses pillows to masturbate.
I think I'm going to inject the gummy vitamins with vodka
I'm glad you're using your medical degree for some good for once
That's all? I'm a pro at gay chicken. I'll touch his dick, I have no problem with that.
I pulled my bra outta my purse. Covered in honey mustard. I still lack an explanation.
Nursing home in NJ just got busted for prostitution and drugs...dropping off my deposit tomorrow
I don't know what his name was or what he looked like, but I remember him rocking me to sleep with his cock
Weird thing is that's not the first time I've been felt up by a Santa. Happens every year
After we finished, she peed a little on my chest and told me she was "marking her territory". I didn't know if I should have been scared or aroused.
Apparently this establishment won't let you rent a sailboat if you have been drinking rum all morning
Like, bro, how do you think I got the idea to go sailing
We sat at the bar and made fun of everyone around us. I'm in love
Did April legit get married in a parking lot?
Dude... this pee is not alleged
YOU SAT ON MY LAP!
Wuddup pee lap
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