I wish i knew how bad drinking and hieghts were before i got up here
I just threw up a christmastime peep. I am literally already sick of the holidays.
watchout when you come home, dougs at the top of the stairs naked eating doritos
I'm never telling my kids not to take ecstasy, never. Idk what my mom was thinking.
He was at the bottom of the stairs showering himself with the popcorn, then eating a few handfuls and running around.
I accidentally lit my hair on fire and we broke the bed. How was your night?
Who wants vodka and apple sauce
He paid the bartender with money from the tip jar then proceeded to hit on me in front of my date. I love frat dances
i wish i could tell my students that all of their lessons plans were brought to them by captain morgan and diet coke. it's like seasame street, only for high schoolers being taught by a student teacher.
I also love my swipe to text changed a singular vagina to a plural vaginas. like my phone somehow knows I secretly want 2 vaginas
I had to write an apology letter to my roomate for hotboxing in our bathroom. What a bitch.
The date went significantly better after the fifth shot of fireball.
I swear I have some evil slut demon in me when I'm blacked out
Don't we all.
Right before he dumped me... he got a really ugly pair of pants. They were twill pants. A pinkish color. When I'm sad... I picture him in them. It makes me smile.
And by "sexually intimate," you mean fuck buddies?
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