His moose knuckle keeps winkin at me
i think at one point throughout the night i began eating birthday cake with a q-tip.
you told me heaven would be the 3 of us at Moe's forever and every hot girl that walked in would ask us to play stone face
so...he totally just used scissors to cut up the weed. a wet paper towel to moisten the blunt....and a blow dryer so it wouldn't be wet. this dude either has the worst case of OCD or has the potential to be the next martha stewart.
So, i took all the condoms from his nightstand, not in the crazy ex way, but in the I paid for them way.
I'm not gonna lie. having my legs shaved for me in the morning was a lovely surprise.
For future reference, never invite the people you met at Dunkin Donuts at 2am to your house to watch Dogma
where did this taco bell managers name tag come from ?
Def regretting not writing "will blow for extra credit" on my last final
He's single. I'm single. We should rekindle our eighth grade romance over a box of wine and carefree sex.
4 days in college, 3 frat parties. I haven't been this drunk since the unspeakable Jäger bomb incident in Sweden.
yeah im watching him make his speech now. cant take him seriously tho. hes talking about funding for education and all i can think about is how ive seen what he looks like wearing womens underwear...
My sweat smells like Wild Turkey. I'm really feeling the holiday spirit.
Oh dear. Sending much love.
Just send a machete.
Bad news man, we're gonna have to reschedule Golden Coral: The Musical
I don't know who the fuck this is, but right on man
Randomize
