I didn't know it was possible to throw up mid-sneeze.
Please return the baby Jesus and sheep to the quad
Just getting around to doing laundry. Jesus there's a lot of blood on my birthday dress.
I will never get the visual of you crying while chewing christmas lights out of my head
I feel like I've been drunk all of June. And I am in NO WAY ashamed about it.
I just don't know what he sees in my vagina...and that scares me.
and PS, please don't fuck in the corn maze, k?
just remembered spooning on the cardboard and confessing to each other we had the spins.
New definition for "rock bottom": Waking up in a puddle of your own puke, missing your fake tooth. Then having to dig through said puddle of puke for aforementioned fake tooth. Think it's time I quit partying so hard.
Is this your way of breaking up with me as my wingman?
So that wine I told you about is vile...
That the stuff you brewed in your dorm closet? Are you actually going to drink it?
Yup. It's drinkable. Might go blind, but I've got to use my chemistry minor for something.
I'm having one of my monday morning walk of shame coffees if you care to join.
Just sharpening my eyeliner with a butterfly knife. You know. Typical weekday morning.
there may have been a blood oath never to speak of it again...only reason i can think of as to why there was a 1 inch bloody cut on my right boob
That's too much drama for once a month dick... that's in-house dick drama only
I'm currently hiding from this horrific thing that we call adulthood. If anyone needs me, I'll be smoking a bowl in the bouncy house.
Randomize
