ok so i jsut did the walk of shame with this random guy that i had sex with at the hotel party, and the lady at the front desk said "wow you're just now leavin?"
Remind me that when I'm pregnant, I should NOT post vaginal dilation updates on my facebook. Ever.
With such a small dick you'd think he'd try to make up for it with some sort of personality.
so i was trying to be sexy and unzip his pants with my teeth. i got my lip caught in the zipper and it bled for a good 15 min, totally a mood killer.
I knew you would eventually ask my secret. Pedialite mix drinks. Works wonders.
I just threw up on the floor. And we're gonna fuck on the beer pong table, so keep everyone upstairs.
Oh, and i love you too. Im just a selfish dick who had to talk about myself first
Beautiful wedding. Beautiful bride. I got shitfaced. Came home and ate two corndogs. I'm still single.
I just stabbed open a can of Spaghetti Os with a spork. Who says I cant take care of myself?
To be clear, the next time I wake up with your dick inside me, I will reach down and grab one and squeeze until it pops like a grape. You've been warned.
Ok thats it i need a list. Full names, nicknames, in which frats, with a photo, of all the guys youve hooked up with because three of the same guys is ridiculous
We stopped mid-sex and both shotgunned a beer then got back to it. Is this what love feels like?
If I died tonight, I'd be content knowing you were the last person to see my boobs.
We're the worst. Two people without their shit together do not make a functional adult.
Thus began an intricate shell game of nude cardigan photos
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