I didn't shave. On purpose
oh god the rape fog is back!
he was uncircumcised...I HAVE NOT YET REACHED THAT SKILL LEVEL OF DICK
I asked my mother if she peed on that chair, she said "not bad" There is no good level of pee on a chair.
Woke up to a bouquet of flowers in my toilet bowl. Drunk hubby loves me.
Ya know, in a round about way coinstar is just a glorified vending machine for all my bad choices.
Its 6:30 and I'm shotguning a busch ice while taking a shit. Outlook for work today: interesting
I walked in and she was kneeling on the ground with no pants on, throwing up, and holding the puppy. It was one of those moments, where i was like damn i wish i had my camera.
nothing like a walk of shame in front of a cnn news crew to start the morning off right
He asked if he could pull one of my teeth "to remember me by"
I'm giving you an age limit on the people you're allowed to hit on at steak n shake at 3 am. I can't see straight and I want a cheeseburger. You want dick. I'm sure we can't order at least one of those. But maybe.
If you're going to drink sriracha straight from the bottle whilst crying, at least wear the giant sombrero for the enjoyment of your audience.
We got high and watched Winnie the Pooh. Isn't that what every normal person does on their break?
when we woke up this morning she was missing two teeth. the front two.
So, looks like I managed to leave my bra in the boardroom after all the sex. FML.
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