Fucking love it maybe bedazzle some baby seals? Make them cuter? Who would club a bedazzled baby seal? Only a fucking monster.
i have more money on itunes than i do in my bank account... college.
just found out this city drinks more beer during oktoberfest than rhode island does in a year.. i'm never leaving
just tell her a well fed dog doesnt stray far from the porch, and if that doesnt work just keep fucking her sisters
We had sex and then he fed me pie. This is the best friends-with-benefits situation ever.
Her bed is on wheels, so we woke up in the kitchen.
He came up to me looked at my tits said they were huge, rated them a 7 and then asked if girls really do masterbate. To make it better, he put his hand up to my face and said his penis is longer than my face...
Winning the lottery was the best thing that ever happened to my penis.
Greatest pickup line ever: "We are out celebrating winning the lottery."
This is my life. Enjoy the view
He got hotter. I'm offended on behalf of the rest of our graduating year.
He took some pill and now he's on all fours demanding we give him chips from the dog bowl. Come get him.
I found a used condom in my purse this morning. It was in there with a bunch of smushed french fries.
totally just bought a bottle of gin with nothing but change
don't ever let anyone tell you that youre not 100% class
God yes pancakes and booze sounds like the best night ever.
had to remind myself that killing him is not a good career move AGAIN.
Randomize
